Am I the only one sad to Leave?

sent in by Kitty

Everyone seems so free and liberated to get away from the oppressive Christianity. Am I the only one who had a really good time with it and am sad to leave it? My family is Christian but they are super cool and support me in anything. My Christian friends were awesome, real folks, not judgmental. I loved having a God that looked out for me and cared for me. I felt if I follow God, I would be led upon the best past for my life, and it seemed to work. I always encouraged friends to become Christian because I thought it was awesome to have a relationship with God, never because it was a job to convert them. I had amazing answered prayer experiences. I was an optimistic and cheerful, and excited for life.

Christianity always seemed great for the Christians, but terrible for non-Christians. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. It should be for the whole world.

But now, I am quite sad. I felt like I had a precious gift, and it has been taken from me. And I can't have it back no matter how much I would like it (because I know the truth). I am also very frustrated with myself for believing it for so long. And all those prayers and moments I had with God, must have been in my head.

Now, I do not trust myself. I like having a spiritual life because life is full of mystery..but it all seems foolish and I do not want to make a mistake again. It really hurts to believe something so passionately and base you life on it, and it was good, and then find it was false. I have became God, if God is even listening, and I have become pessimistic. I do not like what I have become. Just curious if there is anyone else out there who feels like me? I feel like I am the only one.

*also just a note to all those who dump on Christians..there are a lot of amazing Christians out there. Do not lump them all in the same group of crazy right wing conservative Christian, judgmental people. I have met and know many, who truly love God, people, and just want to do the right thing.

Joined: 12 year
Left: 28 years
Was: Non-Denominational
Now: Agnostic
Converted because: I heard about the Crucifixion of Jesus, and felt overwhelmed that a God could love me that much.
De-converted because: I told a good friend to seek and you will find. He seriously took on that statement for 7 months. And nothing. I figured if it was real that God would guide him into Christianity. Now, I can no longer make excuses why so much of the world does not believe. If it were God's plan for the world, you would think God would give a little more encouragement to the entire world to follow Christianity.


Anonymous said...

Great that you have such fond memeories, but you can't expect us all to have them.Yes, there are some christians that are good peolple. And it isn't fair to catagorize them all of the same. But from my experiences thats what I find Christians do.

Anonymous said...

I miss some of the people, I miss the group cameraderie, I miss the music sometimes...but I've gained so much more than I lost. Don't spend too much time mourning for the past, go on and find something exciting to build on for the future. There are other groups, other awe-inspiring experiences, other truths that are healthier alternatives to Christian dogma.

Anonymous said...

I can't say that I was 'sad to leave' but as a youth the 'fun' parts about going to friend's non-denominational, Presbyterian and even Catholic youth events seemed like the perfect place to meet others of the opposite sex while feeling a sense of belonging. I think I can understand though where you are coming from since the hold that highly organized religion such as Christianity is I think, largely sociological and it's strength in that hold has to do more with people's sense of belonging and identity.

Since my family of origin is largely non-religious and my parents came from/more like 'escaped' and pushed forward away from Catholicism but encouraged the formalities of having us kids go through the Catholic identification rituals of baptism, communion and confirmation I went through a period where I was confused about religion and Christianity since I attended both private and public schools (mostly public.) I attended Catholic school for 2 years so that my family could see me get influenced by my Italian heritage even though they were both for the most part agnostic/atheist. For them, Catholicism was a way to identify as Italians and literal belief meant nothing to them really.

In public school I was exposed in high school to friends who belonged to the local Presbyterian church as well as other sects of Christianity. I was invited to Presbyterian youth nights and was told it was alot of fun, which it was for a time.

Since I was one of the few students who was involved in college prep and advanced/accelerated studies after a few visits to the youth nights I realized that quite a few of these people believed the religious stuff literally and began to feel my interest piqued by defining why obviously intelligent people can be fundamentalist believers despite their educations.

One meeting stands out in my mind particularly because the speaker was ranting and raving about Satan and Noah's flood as a harbinger of what was to come for mankind if people did not turn to Christ to lead them. Well, I laughed within myself because I knew about evolution and to me, after having read the bible from start to finish I saw at a young age the contradictions as well as ignorant ideas and was really amazed at how religious people choose to remain ignorant or simply ignore contradictions.

At that point I began to see that to be religious people must be very good at lying to themselves for the sake of their fundamentalist beliefs in the face of common modern knowledge in the areas of the sciences, medicine and psychology.

A thought came to me too, that if Christianity is the repository of fantastic miracles then instead of hospitals that avail themselves of the technologies which are the product of humans exercising their abilities to reason and research to find out facts we would have 'Healatoriums' instead where people would go for 'laying on of hands' instead of Modern Medicine and it would be the common knowledge of humanity that Christianity and Christ is the source of healing.

I have noticed and obesrved that since Christianity has broad definitions and many sects that it is able to fill the motivational needs of a great range of individuals ranging from those who are the least to the most intelligent. Motivations of course range from the simplest to the most elaborate involving huge amounts of financial opportunities for 'playing the Church game.' Consider that Church membership reaches into all levels of communities, especially big business and governments-think faith based financing and you know what I mean.

So, what do we have? We have millions of people who identify as Christian despite modern knowledge because people appear to attach themselves to a religion such as Christianity for broader reasons than the fundamental and this is the strength of an organized religion-it's adaptability and ability to be a place for community is the 'red carpet' that is offered in exchange for membership.

I think you will find that as you study history, all religions and grow in knowledge of modern disciplines such as psychology and sciences you will sense that this stage in your leaving of Christianity is the beginning of your intellectual adulthood.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you, Kitty. I was quite disappointed and sad when, last year, I realized that I just no longer believed Christianity anymore. I do miss the sense of God watching over me, the sense of a deep mystical bond with others who share my faith, etc. Contrary to the experiences of many here, there ARE many great people who are Christians - I left for intellectual reasons rather than being burned by the church. I think that if my church had been more diligent in following the Bible, in all its horror, I would have been burned more.

Life doesn't suck as a nonchristian, though. You've probably begun to see that you pay a dear price for the "comfort" of Christianity - a high price in terms of intellectual honesty, also a high price in believing that most of the world is headed to hell. It was a defining moment for me when I realized that to hold onto my own hope I had to lose hope for most of the human race. That's too great a price to pay for cozy beliefs, no matter how comforting.

Good luck on your journey!

Anonymous said...


You use the word "awesome" a lot. That tells me that you are really young. Life hasn't hardened you yet, that's why everything is so "awesome" to you.

As for why it was awesome to you and not for others, that is easy to explain: you have awesome parents.

You are emotionally balanced and, therefore, have a balanced view of life. I met a lot of christians like you;in fact, I am married to one.

As for leaving all spirituality just because christianity turned out fo be a fad, I personally do not consider it necessary.

Your spiritual experiences were not fake. They were close encounters with yourself, with your deepest emotions, with everything you are as a person.

Maybe for you (and I), leaving spirituality cold turkey is not advisable. I am finding that new-age stuff such as meditation is what I need. Maybe some day I will leave that behind too, but for now, I am exploring non-religious spirituality and it is hitting the spot.

Good luck to you.

Anonymous said...


If anything, you were "institutionalized" in Christianity. Have you ever seen a movie called the Shawshank Redemption? If so, do you remember the old guy Brooks, who had been in jail for 50 years, upset and not wanting to leave. That's what it is like with you. Forging your own path away from religion is liberating. Yet, it takes getting used're just institutionalized like the old guy in the Shawshank Redemption.

Anonymous said...

I completly understand, I was quite sad to leave when I first left...then I got more angry when I started to realize all the lies I'd been told.

emptycan said...

Kitty, I understand your feeling of deprivation of old good memories. But it may be much better you feel it now than decades later. I dont think you can stay in xnity for a long time because you happen to know the truth. But it may be ok for you to keep faith at least in the word of "Truth will set you free." So you found the truth, then, enjoy the freedom.

Tim Simmons said...

What's sadder is that there are people who believe in falsehoods and try to press them onto everyone else and perpetuate them.

Arthur C. Clark: "A faith that cannot withstand a collision with the truth is not worth many regrets."

You are now out of the matrix and the real world is uglier and there is no magic. Give me the truth any day.


xrayman said...

I was a very weak Christian at best, but I did once belive in the wonderful heavenly afterlife. I have worked in the healthcare field for many years and have seen many children who's lives were cut short by accidents or disease, and children who were born with severe handicaps, who have never experienced life as a normal child should. It is for these children, and not myself, that I am most saddened that God and the afterlife do not exist.

I used to belive all these children of such unfortunate circimstances would eventually be running free in heaven, until I finally realized the truth. So now when I see a handicapped kid who has never walked, it makes me extra sad. Life can be so cruel and unfair, yet that fact alone reinforces that fact that there is no loving god.

SpaceMonk said...

Fairytales are always nicer than reality.

You say you can't trust yourself in regards to truth. To me the only truth is in science.
The only laws that aren't invented are the laws of nature.

Then again science is still relatively ignorant on many things, and there are many different views on what is true.
If you are still interested in exploring the unknowns I find this site very interesting:

Anonymous said...

Lorena-Kitty is 28. That is not 'really young'. Some people have a considerable amount of life experience by 28. Kitty has obviously looked at the issues and decided Christianity is not for her. That, to me, demonstrates "awesome" maturity.

Anonymous said...

There are just some things that I have found that are inherent to Christianity, no matter what denomination you choose. One such trait is exclusion, believing that Christianity is the only way. Yes, there are a few Christians who are open to other beliefs, but any who follow anything close to a denomination all believe anybody who isn't a Christian is going to Hell. Just read John 14:6. Some of them are nice about it, but they still believe it and expend a lot of effort trying to "win you back."

I, like you, truly believed it for the first 23 years of my life. I was fully convinced God was working in my life, and I felt really good about everything in my life. I was excited to see my friends come to know Jesus, and I enjoyed reading the Bible every day and felt like my prayers were always answered.

I do miss it, because I was comfortable there, and everything was under control. I had many friends and good times, and I generally was enjoying life. Now it is anything but. However, even though I was comfortable, I was slowly suffocating, because the people who were closest to me were always pressuring me with religious doctrine. I had to emancipate myself before it was too late. Plus, my rational mind was having so many questions that were never answered, and every time I tried to get them answered people just accused me of not having enough faith.

I enjoyed it while I was there, but I just had to get out from under everything and everyone. It hasn't been easy, but it was the right decision.

Hellbound Alleee said...

I don't know if I can look back fondly. I'm glad you felt it was good, but our worldviews have to be about the truth, not feeling good all the time.

Don't let anyone lie to you and tell you that you can't get every single one of those good feelings from moral, real, true secular pursuits. Because I do. It's called "the world." There's a lot of great stuff out there, and all of the good feelings in church are physical. All the great things from church are made by people, not spirits.

If you're not happy, now that you understand that we can't make things be true just because we want them to be true, you are now soloely responsible for your own happy feelings. You have to find your passion--it can't be handed to you from a holy book.

As far as God's great love because he sacrificed his son: please think about that a little bit more. Who sacrifices their children, in the world, and is loved for it? Who commits suicide, and is loved for it? Who made it so his son had to be slaughtered in order for us to not go to hell? Who made the rule that if we don't believe we have to go to hell? Who could have changed the rules to be NOT cruel, any time he wanted? Why? Is this love, or is this something just absolutely terrible?

suzique99 said...

I too was sad to find out the loving god I thought would always take care of me was not real. I also had had some very wonderful experiences in church and that was how I always made friends when i moved to a new place. There are some great people who are christians just misled and misinformed. I had to find other ways to meet people. I also missed the fellowship and closeness like a family. Now I am a member of a freethinkers group and we have the same closeness. This is very hard to explain to someone who never had those experiences in organized religion.

Anonymous said...

"Am I the only one who had a really good time with it and am sad to leave it? "

I miss the sex. Young xtian males are always so horney. :)


Anonymous said...

Judgemental like right-wing conservative Christians? Have you read any of the messages posted at this web site over the past few months? Anti-Christian liberals are every bit as intolerant and judgemental as so-called "right-wing Christian fanatics."

Open your eyes, people. You lump everyone together into categories just like conservatives do. Liberals are elitist and snobbish. You're just as sure of the truth of your beliefs as your Christian opponents are. Take a step back and look at yourselves for a change. Maybe you won't like what you see, and maybe you'll be better for it.

Anonymous said...

No John after leaving christianity the lumping is over, it just appears to you as lumping people together, becuase you have so much resentment when anyone denounces your beliefs, and you have this overwhelming fear that your silly beliefs will become obsolite, and the fact that so many are seeing through the 2000 year old nonsense daily, thanks to so many preachers henious crimes and overwhelming greed the fabric of all religions are slowly becoming obsolite and are being seen through as completely bogas, how any religion has survived this long is way beyond me.

We live in a time that it's time to finally get honest with ourselves and stop fooling ourselves trying to make others believe that there is a person more holy than someone else, according to the bible, all have sinned and all have fell short of the glory of god, yet people prefer to elect someone to represent their imaginary god. How can this be, when the bible says all have sinned and come short of the glory of god, yet people prefer to elect one that professes to be above others, when the bible says all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, not some, not a few, not certain ones, but all, get it John, get it?

All of religions are fake, bogas, con games, false, trickery, smoke and mirrows, bait and switch, mental delusions.

Marty Mets said...


Why do you assume that everyone here is a liberal? It's because you have been trained to think of everything in terms of black and white by the church. Heaven and hell, good and evil, yahweh and Lucifer, us against them. The truth is, hardly anything in life is really black and white.

Are most people here ex-xtian and even anti-xtiananity? Sure, you bet. But how does that make us liberal as opposed to conservative? I myself am a registered independant, I tend to be liberal on some things and conservative on others.

My point is that we ex-xtians are nowhere near as intolerant and close minded as the "conservative xtians" you mentioned because we do not go door to door shoving our Atheisim down anyone's throat who is within earshot. We do not go to public places with sandwich boards proclaiming how everyone but my group is going to hell. We do not protest at the funerals of soldiers. We do not call for the assasination of leaders that we do not agree with. I could go on but I think I've made my point.

Anonymous said...

John wrote:
"Judgemental like right-wing conservative Christians? Have you read any of the messages posted at this web site over the past few months? Anti-Christian liberals are every bit as intolerant and judgemental as so-called "right-wing Christian fanatics."

"Open your eyes, people. You lump everyone together into categories just like conservatives do. Liberals are elitist and snobbish. You're just as sure of the truth of your beliefs as your Christian opponents are. Take a step back and look at yourselves for a change. Maybe you won't like what you see, and maybe you'll be better for it"

Dan here, John.
My personal beliefs are innate and were genetically instilled into me over a period of 3 billion years or so, by whatever created the universe. It is impossible for me to be "elitist and snobbish" about it, because without the influence of a cult, or religion if you will, we would all have the same beliefs.

The only thing I believe is that we have a right to be as happy as we can during this short life here. I will go one step further and say that we have a mandate from our creator to be as happy as we can, as strong as we can,as smart as we can, for as long as we can.This is what we have always done since our ancestors slithered out of the ooze, and started the 3 billion or so, year journey through time, as they became Man.

Look around this planet. All life is just trying to survive. If it didn't inherit that primary instinct, it is defective.

At some point our ancestors realized that they were going to die, and that scared them, so they started making up religions, or stories with magic as the central theme. With that magic they assuaged their fears, and answered their questions, and gave them confidence.

These stories told them that they were going to live forever, that there was a magical force watching out for them, that they could ask favors of this magical force.

At about that time preachers were invented. The first "elitist and snobs," were the Shamans or holy men who assigned themselves as keepers of the magical religion, and discovered that whoever controlled the magic also controlled the rest of the people, especially the sexiest babes, and that is still going on today.

Religions come in many shapes, sizes, and colors. Some are simple, some complex, and some evil. Some religions have been around for a long time and some are being invented today as we speak. Some religions are fairly harmless, and some are cults and brainwash people, and enslave their minds.

Christianity in general falls into the category of a cult. All of the components are there that brainwash people. Furthermore it is a "DEATH CULT." It essentially tells you to forsake everything good in this life, in return for a promise of going to a wonderful place when you die and being happy forever.

Christianity offers the carrot of heaven, and threat of hell. Both of the big religions do this, as well as most of the myriad of others that hat have come and gone. They say "Join us and go to heaven, and if you don't, you will go to hell"

So John: Rejecting mystical belief systems does not make us "ELITIST AND SNOBBISH," it only makes us human.

Dan (Just your average "Child of God")

Anonymous said...

John said:
"Open your eyes, people. You lump everyone together into categories just like conservatives do. Liberals are elitist and snobbish. You're just as sure of the truth of your beliefs as your Christian opponents are."

Lorena says:
I think there is some truth in your comment. However, we don't just go out and assert things for the sake of it. We have researched, read, and reflected on the issues for years before arriving at what we believe today.

In contrast, most fundamentalist christians have spent their entire lives reading the bible alone and books that support only one point of view. That can only lead to extreme ignorance.

"Liberals," as you call us, include a very diverse group, yet we get along with each other, tolerate each other beliefs, and are not trying to convince anyone of our views.

I am not an atheist yet I believe the atheist people who post here are fine, intelligent individuals who give me points of view to ponder on. I DO NOT believe that others need to believe like me in order to LIVE FOREVER, or to be liked by me or a god, or to be happy.

We don't send missionaries overseas to try to make the rest of the world atheist. We don't give large amounts of our hard-earned money to any atheist organization, and we don't go to parties hoping we will meet people so we can make them into atheists.

Those are my beliefs. And I am pretty darn sure of them, John.

Anonymous said...

Kitty here again. I really appreciate those folks who offered some sound advice. I was looking for folks that were sad to leave, not those who had some terrible experience with judgemental Chrisitans or think that I was immature or intellectually a fool for believing such nonsense. There are plenty of other testimonies where you can critize those foolish believers. Why did I believe when some things seemed irrational? A virgin birth seems irrational, but when you have amazing experiences in your life, you tend to trust that that thing, God, can do anything, anyway it wants. Plus, things in the Bible I did not understand would sometimes "reveal" itself to me as I grew. I figured as I matured, more parts of the Bible would make sense in light of what I learned. "Milk for infants, solid food for adults." And when things seem to really work, and when you have these feeling of overwhelming love and tend to Trust God, and realize you will not have all the answers. I have spent years out of the country traveling or working with few, if any Christians. I have seriously questioned Christianity in my life. Some probably do not believe me. If was a balancing scale, for me to see which one had the most validity. And my life experiences counted the most. Yes, I had to ignore or figure I would learn the true meanining in the future onsome key points in Christianity, like Hell when I believed it. BUT now, I have to ignore some things that happened in my Christian life. I have to pretend they did not happen or that is was just a figment of my imagination. Anyways, that was a long drawn out explaination thanking those who understand where I was coming from and addressing that issue.

Anonymous said...

The happiest memories I had of christianity weren't in any youth groups; they were in Sunday School activities, but that joy quickly subsided.
My mom worked as a Sunday school teacher and a janitor at my old church and just about every day my little brother and I had to go to the church to vacuum the classrooms and other work she was getting paid to do (it wasn't all bad, I was able to steal candy from the classrooms).
I can safely say that I wasted more of my childhood in that church than anyone else. Eventually, it would cause my little brother and I to be in anguish every time my mom had to go to the church "just for a couple of minutes".
My youth experience in the church was just miserable. Being shy, I was left out of the cameraderie and felt alone surrounded by people praising the ceiling.

I never had the fond memories of religion, so I'm all to happy to be gone from it.

Anonymous said...

This article does a very good job of explaining why it is so difficult to give up religious belief.

The author is scholarly, and has real empathy for those who are dependent on a belief system like Christianity.

Anonymous said...


You are just the typical fundie evangelical, lumping everybody together. Some Christians are liberals, pro-choice, anti-war, and vote for Democrats. Some atheists are conservatives, pro-life, pro-war, and voted for Bush twice. Then again, that's too much shade-of-gray for you. The mind cult has brainwashed you to see everything in black and white.

Since when have you seen rationalists going to the Capitol trying to get the government to pass a law to discriminate against others? Since when have you seen rationalists handing out nutcase tracts with even crazier conspiracy theories, ignorance, and hatred in them outside of MLB or NFL games? Since when you have seen rationalists calling for the destruction of anybody that doesn't believe the way that they do? I could go on and on about the intolerance, judgmentalism, and hatred that Evangelical Christianity inspires. Not all Christians are intolerant, judgmental, brainwashed chaps...but it's quite apparent that you are, seeing everything in black and white again as always.

south2003 said...

Well I don't miss crustianity! I don't miss the people and it didn't matter what church I went to, they were all the same.

I don't miss being told day in and day out how filty of a female I was...just because I was born. I don't miss that abusive system that says do as I say or else, love me or or else.
I was a happy 19 year old when I was indoctrinated. After that I was mush, I had no identity. I was told what to, when to do it and where to do it. My self esteem went downhill for 18 yrs. I missed out on a great life - my young adult life is gone. I regret ever meeting those bastards.

All of that was for a myth? I might as well have worshipped the Easter Bunny.


Anonymous said...

Good rant, South.

Anonymous said...

Excellent rant as always South!

Steve said...

Kitty, This answer is going to be unpopular with just about everybody. I understand your sense of loss, although I was never really a believer. But I was attracted to some of the ideas in Christianity (especially the idea of the word made flesh) and my degree in Theology (I'm a Bachelor of Divinity) enabled me to see how Christianity had, from time to time, changed its mind completely largely down to who was in charge or who fought dirtiest (Augustine -what an uptight bastard!). Now I sing in the choir of a church once a month, with my mates. I'm still comfortable with the language and the ideas and it's pointless trying to look at Western culture from Bach to Brecht without knowing about Christianity. But at some point we just don't believe. I never had the pressure of an evangelical background on me - it must be immense - but at least your friends now will be your true friends; and you can probably draw your own conclusions about Christians who now don't count you as their friend any more. Time for a new address book and a move, perhaps!

Anonymous said...

I'm with South:

I don't miss it in the least. It was boooooring!!! And the only kids forced to attend the Sunday school were total losers and nerds. I hated every minute of the torture that it was.

I don't miss being told anything fun/natural is a sin, ie: sex is evil and you'll go to hell. Oh, but that's only for women. I don't miss being treated as second class because I don't have a penis.

I hated being forced to attend church. None of my friends went and they were good people. They ate meat on Friday, too and they were still good people. The rules are just assenine. There is no justification for any of it except to control the masses.

I am extermely bitter, just like the fundies point out. Why shouldn't I be?? My own mother tried to brain wash me into believing garbage. I completely regret the time spent in church and with church events when I could have been doing something fun with my friends or even nothing at all (which would have been better than the church crap). I will never have those precious hours of my life back.

Then there's the guilt that the brain washing instills. It took years to get over the guilt. I have accomplished it though and am happier than ever.

I also let go of the anger. If god is responsible for the good, he's also to blame for the bad, right??? I was always angry at him and I cursed him for making me have a crappy mother, being ugly, being fat, having acne, my father leaving the family. I blamed him for everything. Who else was responsible???

I've made peace with those faults because it's genetics, luck of the draw, etc. There is no supreme being handing things to people. In fact, my father left my mother partially due to brainwashed outlook of life because of her religion, and I don't blame him a bit anymore.

Bitter??? Absolutely. The time wasted, the guilt, the anger....all unnecessary.

Anonymous said...

Look at it this way:

At least now we can have affairs with husbands and wives of others and blame it on our own personal greed, not Jesus.

I am partially kidding.....partially. Wait till life hardens you to the extent that you learn to bitterly despize those whom would brainwash you for personal gain. At least in the "real world" most people make no bones about the fact that they are teying to screw you over.

Good luck doll.

Anonymous said...

Dear Kitty,

Your story really pained me to read. I'm sorry you feel you've "had a precious gift stolen from you." You sound like a really compassionate person, and it sounds like you had a wonderful relationship with God. Many people struggle with questions like yours about salvation, and I admit your friend's seemingly failed attempt to find God is perplexing, and its only natural that you should feel sadness and doubt. I don't know why he felt he was not answered by God, but that does not need to invalidate a lifetime of experiencing God, and many powerful proofs of his existence and love, as well as the truth of Jesus. My prayer is that your friend WILL encounter God--although it may not be at the time or in the way that he expected. I believe there are answers to your questions, that God truly is real and loving, as you experienced Him. You can get your precious gift back--and the answers God knows you need. Don't stop seeking. Don't harden your heart. God does want to give you answers, and continue to be the source of the love that wells up in you, even in your blog comments.

(PS-I have found there are many good websites that deal with deep questions of faith. You might check out one called

Anonymous said...

I can understand. In trying to understand my own feelings towards religion, I realized I had quite a history in my little church. I realized my anger was mostly aimed at my one little church and some lies of my denomination. I imagined what I would do ( other than sleep and enjoy the day) on sundays and what I would do to fill that spiritual void. I found that not much else helps, as it isnt all rosy, but studying philosophy and different forms of worship help me. Take everything with a grain of salt. Read books and learn about escapism, trancendentalism, Humanism, spirituality, etc. I considered attenging a more liberal church (i.e. United Church of Christ [first to acknowledge gay marriage and accepts women as pastors,
leaders] or Unitarian Universalist). However, like you I cant get over what I have learned, Christianity isnt real and I dont want to facilitate that.

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