I just could not believe anymore lies

sent in by South2003M

It all started when I was 19. I had just came back from basic training with the Army. I started college (Hunter College, NY) in the Spring of 1987. There, I met my college boyfriend who had another friend. We loved weight lifting and competing in the Body Beautiful club. Suddenly, this friend started changing. He was withdrawn, very emotionless about the sport. He took us to his house one day along with a few others to meet him "preacher" father who led us thru the "sinners prayer". Do I need to go further. I just created my hell if there is one! Anyway, off we go to church. My then boyfriend broke up with me because he was led by god to date this other chick who herself got "saved" We all went to church together. Then my cousin came from the Island to live in the US. She also was a fanatic (still is but crazy..Literally). I went to church with her (Apostolic-Born Again, Jesus Only) and got swindled in. I swear, you would have thought they put a spell on me. I fell for it hook line and sinker. That's where I met my son's father. After 2 years with him I became pregnant and when he found out he disappeared. Of course the church turned their backs I was condemned. That's when my molestation from earlier years triggered. I left the church for about 1yr. And went back from guilt thinking god was punishing me for my sin of fornication and I need to get right with him so he can bless. I met another "brother" became pregnant again! This time I was forced to marry him. Another punishment from god. At least I was convinced. The marriage didn't last but for a couple of months. He became verbally abusive so I put him out. Now I have two children and absolutely no support. Both disappeared and once again this my punishment. No matter how much I prayed and asked this god for help, feed my children, they have no milk, pampers, I need better housing but, he didn't.. I even said the magic words.."say it and claim it" repeat god's word back to him and he has to honor it...bunch of lying shit! How many nights I stayed up crying until my eyes were swollen shut...could someone had told me he's not real.

To make a long story short I stayed out of the church for many years after that. I moved to the South (the bible belt...Billy Graham State) and thought that it was the thing to do in the South..Go to Church! Yeah, did that for 3 moths and got sick to my stomach...I had questions. How could a god who was suppose to protect me allowed two men to molest me from the ages of 8-15. How could he allowed me and my children to suffer so much. Would it had been better if I took a knife and stabbed those dirty bastards in their hearts? Would it had been better to abort my fetus? NO..According the this bible..Those are sins. So what happen to me was what? An innocent 8 yr old constantly being fondled was that not a sin. Men leaving their offspring to fend for themselves was that not a sin?
I came to the conclusion this god is a bunch of BC either he was have a good time watching or he was on the other side of the globe.

I am still waiting for god to strike me dead. Every now and then, I get a bit fearful. MY heart would skip a beat, but I realized it was all those years of brain washing that caused me to be anxious about nothing. Now at the age of 37...Thanks to me! (with emphasis), I took my own destiny back. Everyday I feel vindicated...Yep revenge is mine says me.



Sex: Female
City: Charlotte
State: NC
Country: USA
Became a Christian: 19
Ceased being a Christian: 37
Labels before: Pentecostal, Baptist, Born Again, Jesus Only, Apostolic
Labels now: Free to live and think.....
Why I joined: Because I was told that I will go to hell. This was the way the truth and the light. Nothing that I accomplish hear on Earth matters and so forth..
Why I left: After looking at my life from 19-37 I realized that nothing has change until I started thinking for myself!
Email Address: South2003M at peoplepc dot com

4 comments:

wandering said...

a few points that an outsider wants to make. By your defitions, I don't fit in any of your categories but here are some observations I have after reading everything:

point #1: obvioustly, most of you here absolutely HATE christians. And you hate them for the very things you yourselves do. You say you hate that they feel smug and treat others as if they were above the rest of us? But most everyone here appears very smug and very much like they are superior to about 25% of the world's population that call themselves Christians. The way you cuss Christians and hurl them insults is something you wouldn't wish Christians to do to you, yet you claim the better way by telling God to fuck off yet it doesn't seem like you treat people any better? All I can hear is that those who don't believe in GOD are much better people, much more intelligent, and much more deserving of respect. Obviously, the one person who admits to being a Christian is going to be fucked up being in this group because you are treating him in the exact manner that you condemn christians for. WOuld you not agree with me that EVERY PERSON has worth and deserves respect simply because they are a person?

point number #2:
most of your whining is really irritating. We all have been fucked up by others. And we have fucked others lives as well. We all have sad stories to tell. We all have lost people to cancer, car accidents. We all have lost heart, lost faith, lost things, houses, people. Whether someone believes in God or not, isn't this something we share as human beings? This world, this life just isn't what it's cracked up to be.

point #3: There are those who did evil, pure evil things who were atheists. And there are those who did evil, pure evil things who were claiming to be Christians. The point is, we are all very much capable of EVIL. Ever watched "Crash"?

point #4: there are those who made my life sweet who weren't christians, and those who did who were tenacious believers of Jesus. WE all are capable of something good, something really good. WHether or not you believe in God or not. Mother Teresa. Oprah. People who helped folks after the Katrina. People who went to help in Pakistan. People who are still in Thailand rebuilding communities and lives.

point #5: please don't claim that you know the TRUTH. Again, you are doing EXACTLY what bible-thumping, finger-pointing people do: claim they have it all figured out. Don't claim that TRUTH is that there is NO GOD. How is that better than the claim TRUTH IS that there is a God? That makes you just as a fundamentalist as any Christian that has every single answer for every single point you have against them. No one, not ONE can know for sure there isn't a GOD. NO ONE here as a monopoly on knowledge. NO ONE here can witness to what truly happens everything we jump from a building and die.

So all I am saying is:
Everyone suffers. Everyone is capable of evil. Everyone is capable of good. So NO ONE on this group is better than the other. You and I, we all haven't found what we're looking for. We all don't have the answers. So please stop hurling knives just because someone else hurled a knife at you. It has to stop somewhere.

Just Rick said...

wandering said : "please don't claim that you know the TRUTH. Again, you are doing EXACTLY what bible-thumping, finger-pointing people do: claim they have it all figured out. Don't claim that TRUTH is that there is NO GOD. How is that better than the claim TRUTH IS that there is a God?"

Because faith is based on nothing exept ones desire to continue believing something in the face of all facts and logic. I can point to every aspect of that faith and the "proof" behind it and show exactly how it is false, wrong, man made, and made up.

God's existance depends on the validity of the divenly inspired bible and the bible is not divenly inspired. Simply a book of made up and stolen stories and myths written by ancient people.

It is simply truth. It is not a claim. Facts back it up. Can't help ya if you choose to ignore the facts and simply believe for the sake of believing.

Anonymous said...

" ... blah blah blah So please stop hurling knives just because someone else hurled a knife at you. It has to stop somewhere."

I guess you just had to hurl a knife too? What a hypocrite. you are obviously as self envolved as you say the rest of us are. Silly moron.

Dave8 said...

Wandering, such a rant, I hope you stick around I have a few questions.

Wandering: "All I can hear is that those who don't believe in GOD are much better people, much more intelligent, and much more deserving of respect."

I value freedom, and the ability to live a life "free" from religious bias and forced-influence. I respect those who Value civil rights, and civil liberties:

Therefore, I don't respect those who:
- Stick religious flyers in my car window
- Give me business cards, with "Religious" symbolism everywhere
- Speak loudly of religious affairs, knowing they are invading my personal space out in public
- Knock on my door, and attempt to market religion door-to-door
- Call me on my phone (recently), and telemarket their religion
- Stick bible classes in public schools, all over the nation, and say its an elective course and not really breaching the separation of church and state
- Hijacked the "National" (Not CHRISTIAN) pledge of allegiance, by sticking "god", in the pledge in 1954, (as if I am pledging allegiance to someones' god)
- Mandate that "all" children say the pledge every morning as a ritual in public school, which was found unconstitutional
- Hire only people of their "faith", religious bias

If you would like me to continue, I can go on for a very long time, just know that each of those little bullets above, represents entire religions and millions of people who engage in such activities... EVERY DAY... I don't attack "their" freedoms, and therefore, I deserve the same "Respect"... However, that's not how the game is played...

Wandering: "Obviously, the one person who admits to being a Christian is going to be fucked up being in this group because you are treating him in the exact manner that you condemn christians for. WOuld you not agree with me that EVERY PERSON has worth and deserves respect simply because they are a person?"

Yep, people deserve respect... However, the actions some people take, are not to be respected, some... actions, are to be taken to court due to the "lack of respect" they show others. The careless infringement, may... cause people to start up web-sites to display their dissent.

Wandering: "Whether someone believes in God or not, isn't this something we share as human beings?"

We are human, and we have the potential to have common experiences. However, no ones' experiences give them the right to intrude upon my civil liberties and freedom. If a person can't stay mentally sane, and they start rationalizing their experiences (which is natural), and they come to some conclusion that god was involved, and they need to keep telling people so they can hold onto their illogical belief... they need to seek psychological counseling...

Wandering: "The point is, we are all very much capable of EVIL. Ever watched "Crash"?"

EVIL... Are we predestined? If so, there is "no" evil. If we are not predestined, it appears Evil is determined by humanity. Most people are capable of doing anything they want...

However, there are people who make decisions in life, and accept responsibility... And, then... there are those who are coerced, programmed, misled, lied to, etc., and manipulated into creating the most heinous crimes against nature, while stating that god is on their side...

Wandering: "WE all are capable of something good, something really good."

However, people manipulated by fanatic religionists, can't really realize their potential to be good, as they truly never gain autonomy, so... being "capable", is circumstantial... It appears you might be one who would like to see those who support co-dependent relationships removed from society as basic leeches...

Wandering: "No one, not ONE can know for sure there isn't a GOD."

God... by definition is unknowable... Are you suggesting we may finally "know" something when we die, but that we can't really "know" that, while we are alive... You're kidding, right...

Wandering: "NO ONE here as a monopoly on knowledge."

What is the current spatial location of the satellite MPX39876 in geosynchronous orbit this very second? When you get me that information, I'll agree with you that we have equal access to information, and thus "knowledge". Knowledge is based on access, which is circumstantially based... oh, and making up stories, isn't in the same league with someone who has verifiable "knowledge"...

Wandering: "NO ONE here can witness to what truly happens everything we jump from a building and die."

However, if we can't "Know" god, in our conscious state of being, then when we leave... "god" can't exist according to "expectation"... If a "god" can't exist according to "expectation", then its obvious that "any" preconceived notion we may have had of a god... WILL NEVER EXIST... Perhaps, you meant to say... you "hope" the "Unknowable" exists in the afterlife... Good luck with that one...

Wandering: "please don't claim that you know the TRUTH. Again, you are doing EXACTLY what bible-thumping, finger-pointing people do: claim they have it all figured out."

I know, what is possible to "know", and in "knowing" that, I have separated myself from those who haven't figured out what they can "really", know... ya' know...

Wandering: "You and I, we all haven't found what we're looking for."

The difference between you and I, Wandering, is that I "know" where to look...

Wandering: "We all don't have the answers."

We... by nature, are all "part" of "all" answers... Perhaps, you can tell me what that means... If you can't figure it out, then you need to keep searching, one day, it may click...

Wandering: "So please stop hurling knives just because someone else hurled a knife at you. It has to stop somewhere."

I will continue to defend my right to freedom, and to not be encroached upon by religious fanatics who feel the need to "spread the good news"... I don't hurl knives initially... Someone throws one at me, and I take them to court, or hurl it back... If you want to make some headway in this little game... Perhaps, you should visit those who own the knife factory... the fundamentalists...

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