From Christian to Pagan to Christian and back to Pagan again

sent in by Cierra

-Christianity-

I was raised a Baptist Christian, and at the age of 9, I was baptised(completely by choice). I was sincerly excited, and I truly did want to pursue a relationship with "Jesus Christ", and I wanted to receive the "Holy Spirit". And so that was my goal. I did eventually "receive the Holy Spirit", ...but a lot more things have happened before, AND after the experience...

I wanted so much to receive the Holy Spirit...but my first attempt failed. I went to church, and prayed in a room with other young beleivers who had wanted to receive the "Holy Spirit" as well. A woman was here in the room with all of us, and told us to pray "Thank you Jesus", over and over and over. It's what I was doing, but nothing happened.

I was dissappointed, and didn't know why I hadn't received the "Holy Spirit", and others in the room HAD. The lady told me to go back to the sanctuary, and I felt horrible. I thought to myself, "maybe I just didn't concentrate on Jesus enough. I'll try harder next time."

-Occult/Witchcraft-

But years later...at least at about the age of 12, at the time, I was living in (Kaiserslautern), Germany (mother was in the military).

And I had always been attracted to the "paranormal", or "New Age", and things like it, and I was at a bookstore, and saw a book titled, "Teen Witch", and I read it, and was SO excited. I read the "note to parents", in the front of the book to my mother, and she didn't care much.

I don't beleive that she was necessarily FOR it, but she really didn't say much. She wasn't a strict Christian anyhow.

But from then on, I was casting spells, and performing rituals, and praying to Goddess, and I did feel(like most Pagans claim) as if the concept of a Goddess AND a God feels more balanced...rather than beleiving in just a God--the CHRISTIAN God, in that matter(and in the Christian God, I DO NOT beleive--or put my faith in, I should say).

But anyhow...I considered myself a Witch. After only about two books. Which is ok, because I was a pretty educated one.

-Back to Christ-

Only MONTHS later, I was watching the Christian/evangelist network, 3ABN, and I was watching a particular show: the 700 Club. I saw a Christian testimony of a girl who was once a witch, and that she had now accepted Christ into her life, and that Witchcraft(in any form), was evil. All of it. No such thing as "white" or "black" magic(k). It was all evil.

And I was also constantly seeing pastors preach about the end of the world--Armageddon(not sure how to spell that word), and how it could be any day now. I was scared for my life! I had bought a book on accepting Jesus, and prayed a prayer as the son of Pat Roberson talked about Jesus.

I was asking for the Holy Spirit, 100% sincerly. And this time, I beleive that I did receive.

I felt so releived, and happy, and I was just thanking Jesus. I burned all two of my witchcraft books, and threw away everything that I had printed from the internet about Witchcraft(and god do I regret all of this now).

And from then on, I was hooked. I was on fire for Jesus. I was always watching 3ABN, and buying books on Christianity, and Jesus, and I was just feeling so protected, and loved, and safe, and happy, and everything was just going great.

-"Backsliding"-

My fire for Jesus had burned out(which of course most Christians warn new christians of...that they are at first on fire, but that they may not feel this way for long).

I wasn't concentrating much on being a Christian, but I had at least three Pagan friends before, that I was telling that I had now become a Christian(which I now regret).

And so we moved from Germany after three years, to LA, where I now currently live(moving once again though very soon--military life's a bitch).

I borrowed a book from our local military library titled, "Why I am not a Christian.". Sorry that I have forgotten who it was written by(like an idiot). But I read it, and realized that "hey, I DON'T have to be a Christian.". Christianity is NOT the only way!"

People can ACTUALLY choose between more than just: Christ, or HELL! My eyes had opened--it was a--a--MIRACLE!

From then on, I studied many different religions at the library, and over the internet. I studied the religion of Islam, Buddhism, Taoism, and I studied even more on Paganism.

I had read SO many testimonies of people who had went from Pagan to Christian, and I had my doubts--I was purposley reading these testimonies, because in the back of my mind, there was still a little voice going, "Paganism is wrong, and evil." But thank god(dess) that voice is now gone.

I have now read, and heard of so many testimonies, that they no longer shake me. Not even a bit. Nothing does, or can anymore. I guess I'm now stubborn. A little Stubborn maybe, but not close minded.

But anyhow...I decided that I wanted to become a Pagan again. This beleif is the beleif that has truly changed my life--for the better, that is...but I am STILL not a religious person. Just spiritual. I am very young, yes--infact, still in my teens--but that doesn't make my testimony any less valid than anyone else's. This is what I've been through at such a young age, and I am no longer ashamed to be a Pagan.

I am a child of the Goddess--not a child of Christ--and it's what I would like to remain. (cheesy ending I know, but I have to close this out somehow).

Goddess bless.

Sex: female
URL: ratskeller.us
City: Fort Polk
State: LA
Country: U.S.A.
Became a Christian: I was around the age of 9
Ceased being a Christian: First time: 12, second: 14
Labels before: Baptist, Pentecostal (not sure how to spell that anyhow)
Labels now: Pagan/Witch
Why I joined: It wasn't some anger decision, or trying to be a smart ass and say that I hate Christians...it was just about maturity, and realizing that I DON'T want to live the Christian lifestyle. Nothing rebellious.
Why I left: Same reason: It wasn't some anger decision, or trying to be a smart ass and say that I hate Christians...it was just about maturity, and realizing that I DON'T want to live the Christian lifestyle. Nothing rebellious.
Email Address: wirezine at yahoo dot com

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Cierra, nice to read your testimony!! I am an ex Christian who is now into metaphysics and witchcraft. I am in my 30s now but when I was 16 I was first introduced to the idea that we create our own reality (and I LIKED it!) but of course the christian thing got in the way of me following that part further for years! So I do believe it IS possible to find your own path early in life. Don't let them suck you back in! You have found a path that works for you, stick with it unless in the future some day you decide it doesn't work for you anymore! It's YOUR life! I NEVER received the holy sprite although I really wanted to but now I don't mind that so much! Enjoy your spirituality, enjoy your freedom! Esp. freedom from that whole crappy do this or you'll go to hell lie!!

Anonymous said...

I read this and I felt my heart bleed. It's sad to see you so misguided by a few tricky books. I hope some day you'll really find God, and learn that he is the only way and gave his only son for you and wants you in heaven with him...but that you have to make the choice...Remember, 1 way, 1 truth, 1 life, through Jesus Christ.(P.S. Just wait 'till you REALLY feel God with you, he'll never go away, he never has really, you did. He's still waiting for you.)

Rot8inganode said...

Anonymous... If your heart is bleeding, I would suggest a cardiologist ASAP, there isn't even time to pray!

Speaking of tricky books, what is up with the Bible?? It almost seems like the god in its' pages is a worship hungry, jealous, bipolar, evil, loving and caring, but will send you to damnation if you don't choose the "right" religion type of dude. Thank goodness I don't believe in that, what a nutty idea for a deity!

Since you seem to be in direct, wireless communication with your god, could you tell him that I would prefer to be left alone, especially in the shower, and that I don't accept any unwanted advances. The moment I feel any god touching me, I am going to cry sexual assault and seek the local authorities.

Jim Arvo said...

Anonymous said "I read this and I felt my heart bleed."

Here's something for you to ponder, Anonymous. Our beliefs are different from yours. We are grown-ups, capable of making rational decisions. And, by the look of it, I'd say that most of us here have put far more thought into religion than you have. I say that because, from my own personal experience, only those with a myopic view of their religion show such arrogance toward other points of view as you just have in that one little sanctimonious utterance.

Anonymous: "It's sad to see you so misguided by a few tricky books."

And the arrogance continues. You deem us "misguided", yet you do not appear to know the *first* thing about a single one of us. You also refer to a "few tricky books", as if you were familiar with what we have all read. Please do list some of those "tricky books" for us, so we can all examine the list together. My guess is you cannot name a SINGLE volume sitting on my book shelves that is critical of Christianity. Please do try to prove me wrong.

Anonymous: "I hope some day you'll really find God, and learn that he is the only way and gave his only son for you and wants you in heaven with him..."

I hope that you will some day discover the ONE TRUE GOD, who is known as the FSM... Please see http://www.venganza.org/

Anonymous: "...but that you have to make the choice...Remember, 1 way, 1 truth, 1 life, through Jesus Christ."

According to YOUR religious dogma! If you take the time to study the origin of your religion and your holy book, you might begin to see our perspective a bit more clearly. Just because your chosen religious text says it's so, it does not mean it is so.

Anonymous: "(P.S. Just wait 'till you REALLY feel God with you, he'll never go away, he never has really, you did. He's still waiting for you.)"

And Zeus is still waiting to accept you. And Allah. And Mithra, Isis, Osiris, Attis, Adonis, Hermes, Thor, Krishna, Vishnu, and Quetzequatal. They are all supernatural beings, and they all have about as much credibility your three-part deity. The moment you begin to seriously consider these other beliefs, you will begin to escape the ethnocentric view that prevents you from examining your own beliefs critically.

Best of luck to you.

Anonymous said...

Wow has the devil got u'll that bad huh! just want to say a few things & thats this, REALLY think about it the ONE who came down from glory to die for you is the same ONE that satan wants you to stay away from so he'll make you believe it's ok the worship any other God or Godess (which are really just the satan)but not Chirst think to yourself...Why? even when Chirst was here people were hating on him & didn't want to believe even when they saw the miricals..thats the same today. why does the world make documentries to try & disprove someone that never came to hurt them. Cierra, you once said you kept hearing a voice in the back of your mind telling you paganism & all these things were wrong & evil, well how about we say that was just the Holy Spirit warning you, hmmm? Look around you Cierra i'm not sending this by chance it was ment to be. I'm here to let you know Chirsts Love for you will never stopand you can go back before he comes back. This is now the end times every thing the bibles says is coming to pass... deception! & 1 more thing God said "no one comes to me but through my Son Jesus" Gods smart don't you think? he did that cause he knew that satan would make many gods for you to look too but to find the True one to him is through Chirst. I too have looked into all religons but i tell you the truth. AND THIS IS FOR EVERYONE ELSE WHO'S READING THIS....ONEDAY WE'LL ALL FIND OUT THE TRUTH & YOU MAY HAVE TO HOPE THE CHRISTIANS ARE WRONG & THAT HELL IS NOT REAL & STOP BEING FOOLS LIKE PAGANS & SEEK.

Dano said...

Anonymous wrote:

"Wow has the devil got u'll that bad huh! just want to say a few things & thats this, REALLY think about it the ONE who came down from glory to die for you is the same ONE that satan wants you to stay away from so he'll make you believe it's ok the worship any other God or Godess (which are really just the satan)but not Chirst think to yourself...Why?"

To Anonymous from Dan,
There probably is no way tell you this without hurting your feelings, but if you don't get anything else out of the exchange of words on this "site for ex-Christians," where some of the most learned and articulate people in the world lurk, (Myself excluded) please remember to come back and read, read, read, in the unlikely possibility that YOU ESCAPE YOUR CULT!

Dan (Optimistic about our yout's....What is a yout?)

.:webmaster:. said...

Who is "Chirsts Love?"

Bentley said...

Hi all believers in God, Jesus, Allah, Mohammad, Buddha, Santa, Tooth Fairy, all gods, and myths.

I can prove to you TODAY, Right Here, Right Now, where you sit or stand, that all Gods, Jesus, the Bible and Qu'ran, and all man made Gods, myths, saviours, messiah's, saints, and fairies, are 100% false and man made, and do not exist.

If you will only continue to read the following statements:

The only place that a God or Jesus or savior myth or fairy can exist is in the conscious awake mind, PERIOD.

Had you never heard of God or Jesus or the Bible or Qu'ran or Santa Claus, etc. you would not ever had an idea or a thought that any of those man made concepts existed.

To prove this, just imagine if you can, all people removed from the Earth, where are God and Jesus, the Bible, the Qu'ran, Santa, myths, where did they go? Why did they all disappear too?

Because they only exist in the awake conscious mind, implanted there by repetition by who? Who?
OTHER PEOPLE!!!!!

Another proof is that when you are asleep, God and Jesus and all man made myths, suddenly disappear the instant you go to sleep, why? Where do they go????

Because they only exist in the awake conscious mind!

When you're unconscious, God and Jesus and all man made myths and Godly concepts instantly disappear. Why? Where do they go????

How can they suddenly disappear, if they are real?

It's because they only exist in the awake conscious mind!

When you're under anesthetics, God and Jesus and all man made godly concepts and myths disappear. Why? Where do they go???

These man made concepts exist only in the awake conscious mind!

Prove me wrong! Use any analogy or proof that you can muster.

Prove to me and the world, that a God, or Jesus, or Allah, or Mohammad or Santa, or Tooth Fairy exists outside the human mind.

I beg anyone to prove to me or anyone on this website, that a God or Jesus or Allah, or Mohammad or Santa, or Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, etc. any man made concept or supernatural entity exists anywhere in the Solar System, outside of the human mind.

If these concepts are real to you, then your proof to me and others awaiting your proof, should be an easy task.

Any takers? Any Real Christians?
Any Biblical Scholars willing to take on my easy challenge?

I'm patiently waiting!

I'll accept any verifiable proof, I'm not asking for much, just a minute morsel, a teeny tiny, itsy bitsy, tid bit morsel of proof.

I'm very easily convenced with verifiable proof!

Is anyone up to this simple task?

Anonymous said...

Hi Ben,
I hv just read ur comment.Brother let me tell you a story.
Yesterday i was going to my university, i was in a little hurry because i was late from my class, and was driving my car fastly,due to a road accident the road was block, and there was no chance left for me to attend the class on time. Suddenly i saw a new road appeared in front of me direct to my university i drove my car on that road and went to university, when i looked back, road disappeared.
WILL U BELIVE THIS STORY? (OFCOURSE NOT).
now just tell me when a road cannont come to its existance without any reason, how is this universe came?
we take breath in our consious and uncosious both, Either we r sleeping or not.
secondly we are beliving there is a force of gravity but we are not watching that, we are not observing that from these physical eyes, but still we are beliving that there is a force.
There are a lot of things in this world that tells us about existance of God.just try to understand them logically.Because if u will think logically u will prove it physically.

Astreja said...

Oh, great. Now we have argumentum ad personal freeway as "proof" of a deity.

Anony, what makes you think that the magic road was a gift from the god that you just happen to believe in? Why not a wormhole created by a thoughtful space alien? Why not a delusion?

And the big question: If the road was indeed real, why are powerful beings farting around with time-space sleight-of-hand and completely ignoring the life-and-death issues that plague humanity?

Anonymous said...

Hi Astreja,
It will b nice to hv a discussion with u.
I told in my comments about the appearence of a road. The point that i wanted to tell was that nothing can come to its existance by itself, there must b a creator.
Men do menly things. God does Godly things, and i think that we all are more powerful than space aliens, because we hv a power that is stronger than anything in this world, which is human-mind.So space aliens are cannot be so much powerful than our mind, so they cannot be the God or creator.we are talking about "creator".How can we tell eachother about our creator coz he created us and we are creation our mind cannot think or imagin about creator.This is common sense.
Secondly,You can observe in ur daily life any thing that is creation, for example cars, trees, human made things (human-CREATION) has a life period after that it will b at its end.Same like u and me. we hv a life period and after that an end.So definatly we are creation of something that we cannont think or imagin.

Scrappy said...

I was a pagan who became a Christian a few months ago. I will never go back to the error of paganism, polytheism or the "new age". I was a pagan witch for five years, and not a study 2 books 14 year old wytch, but a 26 year old who studied in a group setting.

What I discovered is most of what I came into contact with in those five years was bull...

There is only One...
The Triune God...
Maker of everything.

True power comes from Him.

In Christ
Scrappy

Astreja said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Astreja said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Astreja said...

Interesting... I was baptized a Christian but gradually turned into an agnostic pagan.

I know for myself that there are a lot of badly written and highly questionable books in the "New Age" section of the average bookstore. And there are weird and often destructive personal dynamics in groups, and a pagan group is just as susceptible to this problem as any other gathering of individuals.

However, trading that gentle fantasy realm for Christianity is, in my opinion, a massive lapse in judgement.

In my own experience, heathen values are the values of friendship and community, of resourcefulness and courage and finding one's own strength. In my life they have done no harm and a great deal of good.

I myself cannot bring myself to even consider following Christianity. It glorifies blood sacrifice, obedience to a murderous god, and the end of the world.

And, Scrappy, I think you're going to have your hands full with your claim that there is *only* one god out there. Essentially you'll have to prove a universal negative, one god at a time. For starters... Prove that OĆ°inn does not exist.

James said...

Spirituality and Religion are different. It is religions that are man made. Many cultures have devised many different religions, but a sense of a spirit and the need to address spiritual issues is common to all cultures.

It is a mistake to spend your time jumping from one religion to another, back again and then to something else. All religions actively address spirituality and our time would be better spent focusing on the spirit than on the specifics of a religious practice.

Religion is a social act and should be chosen for social reasons. Worship where your friends worship, worship where your family worships. Worship someplace that is close to home and easy to get to.

The spirit is there and will be found, regardless of the language you use to find it.

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