I'm Free

(My name is Margaret, I'm Kevin's daughter.)

Ever since I can remember, I have attended church. I never really liked it, but I would have never told my parents that at the time. Those sexist fundamentalists made girls wear dresses all the time, and the only alternative to pants was coolotts. I got made fun of for wearing those.

As I got older, I began having doubts about my religion. These doubts scared me so badly that I stayed up late every night in the dark, praying for god to forgive my sins, and to not let our house burn down. That was pretty stressful for someone so young.

When my family moved to Chile as missionaries, I suddenly had a new burden to carry. I was the pastor's oldest daughter, and I had to portray the unrealistic image of a godly person. I was constantly finding more doubts buried deep inside.

I watched the discovery channel a lot, and slowly the idea of creation started looking a little old fashion. I never admitted it, but I liked to think of the earth as having been there for longer than 6,000 years. I mean c'mon, there's evidence of human remains that date back way earlier than that!

But the further I found myself from god, the more scared I got. I was constantly haunted by the thought that I would burn in hell when I died if I didn't ask for forgiveness over and over again. It eventually got to the point that I was frightened of being alone. I felt like someone was always watching me, and that scared the crap out of me.

As we ran further away from the claws of the fundamentalists, we just got closer to the jaws of the charismatic pentecostals. We adopted many of their worship techniques, which made me very uncomfortable, such as raising your hands while singing. Then we even started attending their services almost weekly. Their church was disorganized and they seemed completely obsessed with demonic possession and casting demons out. When we finally came back to the U.S. I had had it with church. THough, I had not completely dropped my faith, I begged my dad not to make us go to another church.

About six months later, we all just spontaneously announced that we were all atheists. I am so happy now. I'm not afraid to be alone anymore! In fact, I like to be alone.

THere is no God who has my future planned out. The future hasn't happened yet, so I'm going to set my own goals, and I'll try to acheive them myself.

My dad says: "Religion is a fault in human evolution."


State: AZ

Country: US

Became a Christian: somewhere between 3 and 5 years old.

Ceased being a Christian: 15

Labels before: Independent Baptist

Labels now: I am an atheist.

Why I joined: My parents told me to pray to Jesus one day.

Why I left: I wanted Sundays off. :)

e-mail: margirenben at yahoo.com

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

This website horrifies me. I was googling the poem "I'm Free" to read at my grandmother's funeral tomorrow and I came across this website. God does love us and wants to see us all in Heaven with Him. In fact, Hell wasn't created for us; it was created for Lucifer and the other fallen angels. We were meant to live in the Garden of Eden with God, but sin entered. God is above all things Holy, which means that He can't look on sin. Sin must be atoned for. That's why He sent His Son, who didn't have to come by the way, to die in our places. We are all sinners and have fallen short of the glory of God, and we either suffer the price of our sins, or we accept that Jesus died in our place. They're the ABC's-Admit that we're sinners; Believe that Jesus was born, died and resurrected to save us; and Confess that Jesus is our personal Lord and Savior. Jesus IS the way, the truth and the life and NO ONE can come to the Father but through the Son. Faith is the belief in things unseen, we have to have faith that God does exist! Without faith we can't please the Father. I am so afraid for you, and for all athiests. Whether you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior in this lifetime, the Bible says that EVERY knee shall bend and EVERY tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, whether you do it in this lifetime or at the judgment, that's up to you. Just because you didn't like the churches you went to doesn't mean that you should give up. Going to church doesn't save you anyway. You have to have a personal relationship with Christ. And as far as feeling like someone was watching you, I'm sure it was the Holy Spirit trying to convict you of your sins so that you would accept Jesus as your Savior and be saved. I pray that it's not too late for you to accept Jesus. If you begin to feel that conviction again, PLEASE fall on your knees and remember the ABCs of salvation. Without the Holy Spirit's conviction that we're sinners, we can't be saved anyway. I pray with all my heart that it's not too late for you.

drew said...

"PLEASE fall on your knees and remember the ABCs of salvation."

A - Absolve all your logic and critical thinking skills, never question the Bibles teachings or it's followers.

B - Be sure to agree with everything the preacher says even if it sounds idiotic.

C - Commit to cram your beliefs down other peoples throats, without investigation into the origins of the Bible and it's teachings.

Astreja said...

Anonymouse: " This website horrifies me."

Then you should have clicked the 'X' or the 'Back' button on your browser, rather than coming in here to post.

Because now it's open season on every single word you posted here. (loads virtual shotgun with rock salt and calibrates Her sights)

"God is above all things Holy, which means that He can't look on sin."

What an impotent wuss of a god, can't even face the evil *it* supposedly created. (Isaiah 45:7, KJV)

"I am so afraid for you, and for all athiests."

You should be more afraid for yourself, specifically for your lack of critical thinking and willingness to believe some rather dubious things.

(BTW, it's spelled 'atheists'. I'll let you off with a warning... This time.)

"I'm sure it was the Holy Spirit..."

The what? Oh, yes... That imaginary woo-woo thing that Christians like to believe in.

Anonymouse, you weren't even there, let alone inside Margaret's brain. Didn't you read what she said? Her religious indoctrination caused her pain and fear. Acknowledging her lack of belief finally brought her peace.

"I pray with all my heart that it's not too late for you."

And I think with all My brain that you are wasting precious time preaching at an ex-Christian website.

Please get off your computer and do something tangible for the real world... Donate a bag of food to your local food bank, in honour of your late grandmother.

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