sent in by Meagan
I have been writing for a few years now, and a great deal of my writing revolved around how my views of Christianity changed. I have seen my close friends change, and many others who I have known remain the same. My close friends have turned away from the Christians, as I have done as well, sometimes unwillingly.
My unanswered questions were the same that everyone else had. For the longest time I had the feeling that God was being sincere to me, and he put me in situations where I was to keep the group of Christians that I had known together and close in the body of Christ. Many agreed with me and followed in my footsteps. We gathered out in the parking lot of a restaurant after the praise and worship service. Three times we had done this, and every experience brought us closer to seeing a glimpse of heaven. The third time was a true experience that I still cannot explain. It was November, fairly cold and late in the evening, right downtown in the heart of the city. We had our prayer circle happening with about twelve of us gathered together. We were praying in great depth and concentration.
One of the girls looked up and she said, 'oh my God you guys look up.' I was not expecting to see anything at all but to my surprise I saw something quite amazing. The Northern Lights were bright above dripping down and swirling in vivid colors of blue and green. Now, everybody knows that you don't usually see the Northern lights early in the winter and you definitely don't see them right downtown and directly above. The reason: the lights of the city are too bright. You can't even see the stars. "Wow! Praise the Lord!" They screamed out, reaching up for the dripping colors and all that crap.
After that experience, I wanted to keep the prayer circle happening, but human nature set in, and the group was divided by their own issues. "Oh, I don't talk to that guy anymore, he downloads porn on his computer. I saw a picture of a girl with a flippy haircut, and a black scoop neck. She looked premiscious." I was devoted at that time to improving the Body of Christ. After all, Christians must be victorious over the devil, right?
It was the beginning of a long realization that it didn't work. I thought Christians were supposed to be devoted to keeping together in fellowship, and in spirit. "Isn't the Lord the reason we're here? We should be uplifting each other." I encouraged them. No one cared.
Now my long time friend of eight years was a well respected Christian. He was married to an "ex-witch" (Oh, I love that line.) He invited me to live with him in his basement suite, which he rents out to university students. A barren room with a concrete floor. The carpet had gone moldy and it had to be removed. Every Tuesday my good roomate had the members of his band come over and they had something called kinship. An actual pastor came by to lead the group in worship. "If you were a part of the body of Christ, which part are you?" They would ask.
As usual, the pastor had some wonky ideas about schizophrenics, thinking that they had some unique gift of being able to connect with the spiritual. "My children have seen the demonic!" Some of the older Christians would say.
"There is a demon over every city in the world that watches. One of my friends prayed over this demon that he saw and he lost his family and everything dear to him!"
Eli's bandmates claimed they could see demons sitting up in the corners of the church. They caused his bandmates to fight amongst themselves.
Theodore's wife was plagued with "evil demons" and she was taken to weekly exorcisms. She was vomiting into a bucket in church. Some of the other possessed had the spirits of rock and roll. The demons of "joke." Of course none other than the bastard saint himself, Bob Larson had his hand in the matter. The Xtian that brought her to the exorcism was seeing her behind her husband's back. "Come out spirit!" He screamed as he fornicated with her on the exorcism couch.
Being the good Christians that we were, we told her husband so that he may know about what is happening behind his own back. Rightly so. She was caught red handed, and he wanted a divorce. "God hates divorce." He had already known, and could not release himself from his own marriage. The only ball and chain around his leg was the one he put there, called "Religion."
She must have been a witch of one kind or another, because her violent hatred brought me through hell for the next couple of months.
A learning experience about Christianity. How far does one explore before they come to this realization. I've been searching everywhere for the past ten years and have scraped up nothing but filth, deceit and hatred. "God hates the sin, and Christians hate the sinner."
The strong ties that Christianity has bound between close friends that have been together for eight years had been broken. The desire to keep the Body of Christ tightly secured has failed, there was nothing that could be done, no matter how hard I try.
My level of respect for Christians and number of Christian friends went from forty to three. Friendships of six months had been abruptly cut short by her friends because they saw that I was not a real Christian. In a rage, I told her friend in front of her good Christian friends, "Don't come and tell me that I'm not a genuine Christian, it is you after all that is getting fucked before you're married."
her face went pale white - she lapsed back into shock and ran from the others that initially brought up their courage to confront the unholy. She was in tears that someone had unleashed the truth in such a bold way.
Now, my real friends, who had long left the church advised me never to get into this bullshit again. "It's garbage, its all about business." In a year, my entire understandings of what Christianity were had been changed to allow me to see something I did not want to see. Everything related to Christianity was negative. Oh, and heaven forbid, my boss at a restaurant was gay. He was a great guy, I liked him a lot, and to be honest, he was one of the best supervisors I had ever had. There was a table that came in to celebrate something. They treated Leo pretty poorly because he was gay. I read one of the cards left behind, and what do you know: the reason why they treated Leo poorly is because they were taught that homosexuality was an abomination, and they'd have nothing to do with him.
Finally, my thoughts towards Xtianity were confirmed. The only guy remaining from the Christian group was a guy that I smoked a few joints with. He smoked now because it gave him relief from the stress he was going through.
A few years later my long time friend who left behind a hard life, lots of drinking, selling drugs became devoted to the Lord and he was able to leave behind many things that kept him back. "If I believe any one thing in my life is keeping me from following Christ, I just get rid of it!" He was always so determined. His life changed for the better, and I was very proud of him.
Again, I am shown great things that the Lord has done to special people in my life, and I watch as it is destroyed. People have moments of strength and weakness. I come to accept that, but during this time of weakness where my friend is smoking marijuana again (heaven forbid) his pastor decided that God asked him to move to Ontario Canada.
For a long time now, my friend and his wife, along with everyone else in the congregation had invested their trust and lives to this man, and he - through Jesus Christ was going to make them into better people. Through the Holy Spirit, there can be no flaw. My friend submitted to the pastor, and allowed him to take control, since he was a pastor that was annointed by the holy spirit.
Then, the pastor abandoned them. Everyone in the congregation was left with nowhere to turn. They felt betrayed, and I was not surprised.
Those who follow an incomplete and flawed religion will be hurt like this, I have come to know it as a fact now. Christianity never worked from the beginning.
Right from the time when Peter, the head honcho of the disciples of Jesus Christ was too racist to eat with anyone who wasn't a Jew.
The only reason why hell is a bad place is because it's filled with Christians.
Became a Christian: 15
Ceased being a Christian: 26
Labels before: all
Labels now: More Wise
Why I joined: Seemed a wise decision
Why I left: An Open Mind Saw the Faults
Email Address: firstname.lastname@example.org