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7/23/07                                                                                       View Comments

We are one with the Cosmos

Sent in by Insanity_personified

Well I guess it could be argued that I was bound to de-convert from the Christian religion. My testimony isn't as dramatic as many here but I'll give it to you anyway

First my age. I'm 15 years old, 16 in August. Some around me take this to mean that I am incapable of making informed decisions about my own life, what I want it to be, what my ambitions are, etc. Unfortunately for me one of these people happens to be my own father. This may not seem important but it was ultimately one simple statement from my dad that sent my Christian belief to hell (pun, yes)

I was/still am being raised Christian, in a Christian home, at a Christian school run by a Christian church. Religion is everywhere in my life much to my dismay, and thus I didn't think to question anything for a very long time... but one thing stayed the same no matter how much into Christianity I was. My father loves Jesus... even as a seven-year-old I felt neglected by his seeming indifference towards me and love of his most elusive god, I freely admit I have "daddy issues" because for the greater part of my life (continuing into today) I feel and have always felt completely rejected by him. One incident in particular happened when I was around 10. I was a very early comer to puberty and all the random erections I kept having and the "wet dreams" were starting to scare me. Of course having had anti-intimacy Christian propaganda shoved down my throat from a very early age I didn't know these were simply my body's ways of preparing me to reproduce. I thought I was somehow unclean for having "impure" thoughts (stupid I know)

Well anyway I asked my dad, expecting him to give me me some semblance of fatherly advice. Instead I was shocked when he screamed at me saying discussion of this was "unholy" and to never touch myself. Needless to say it crushed me to know I couldn't even expect my own dad to pull his head out of his own ass long enough to help me when I needed advice

This pretty much set up my de-conversion. Again, it sounds stupid and rather silly but it's what happened and in a way I'm glad it did. I started to read about puberty and adolescence from one of those damned "secular" books and learned that my body and it's functions were nothing to be ashamed of at all. I learned what causes erections and how to make them go away, why I have wet dreams, and why girls all of a sudden seemed so amazing to me. It all is regulated by chemicals in my brain and is just my brain's signal to my body to begin adulthood. Why is this bad? I thought to myself. Why does Jesus hate me for being the person he designed me to be?

That was just one revelation... my other and most important ones started when I got into two things that are still some of my favorite things today: science and philosophy. I remember watching COSMOS by Dr Carl Sagan and being filled with a sense of awe and wonder at the beauty of the natural world. It was something religion tries to capture but never truly can. It was REAL spirituality. I learned that all of nature is propelled by the simple urge to survive and live and progress as a species. This spoke to me like nothing else did. At a time when I was pretty much crushed emotionally, Dr Sagan's show filled me with hope and child-like awe -- we are literally one with the cosmos!

After watching that show and learning about astronomy, my faith slowly crumbled away. I can't say I miss it much, my atheism brings me a sense of simple joy. I am no longer deluded by a cult that was hijacked by the Romans for political control. The universe is my god, and nature is my dogma. I now am what could be called a "closet atheist." My dad continues to try to convince me that I am too feeble minded to make my own informed decisions, and I continue to be surrounded by mostly Christians and go to a Christian school. But at least now I can think about my problems with a clear head and open mind... which couldn't be said about me as a Christian

Sorry if this sounds like babbling... I've had a bad day

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