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4/24/07                                                                                       View Comments

God is dead, or a liar

Sent in by Mike R

This is the conclusion that I have come to after thirty some odd years of Christianity. To understand the “why” I offer my testimony.

I became a Christian at the tender age of 11. My father had just become a Christian, and so naturally he taught me about Jesus, hell, and Gods gift of eternal life. Being a child I just knew that I wanted to go to heaven, so I prayed the prayer. I accepted Jesus and starting my life as a Christian.

I took all of this teaching to heart. I often went to bed early so that I could read my bible. I loved to read the four gospels. In my mind, these were the actual words of Jesus, so that is what I wanted to read. Nightly I would read and pray until sleep came upon me.

However, as I grew into my teens I was starting to become depressed. Why? It seams my dad could not stay put in any one place. So my family moved every summer. Often because we did not have much money we would end up stranded and living in the car. I can remember going two or three days without food. This was a yearly occurrence. When school time began to approach my father and mother would apply for welfare so that we could get a place for the winter. Often toward the end of the month we went hunger, as welfare did not cover enough to last a full month. It was during these years that depression started to grow.

Luckily I finally reached the age of 18. The first thing I did was joining the Navy. I was so excited. I was going to get great training and see the world. Also, I was going to get free of the poverty and living in the car. Even while I was waiting to get into the Navy, we were living in the car-yet again.

It was at this point in my life when the heaviest blow came to me. One morning was we struck head one by a drunk driver. This left me in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. For the first time in my life I had something good happening, and BAM, I was now a cripple. This was an emotional blow to me. I felt that I was just crapped on. All my life I heard that if you was a Christian and tried to live for Christ you did not have to worry about such things happening. God will protect you. Thanks for being a liar Pat Robertson!

The funny thing about Christians, they always turn events around to try and make you think that it was a good thing for you. I am laying in bed, tubes running out of every hole in my body (and they made a few more too) facing a life in a wheelchair at 18 and these Christians are telling me God loves me. How absurd. I tried to follow him and this was my reward. Of course they sad you cannot blame God, it was the devil. Interesting how God is powerless when the devil is around. Excuses, upon excuses. This is contrary to what I had been taught about being a Christian.

After I got out of the hospital, and adjusted a little, I continued to try and seek God. After all I was hurting like you could not believe. I felt that my life was over. Many nights I cried to God out of the blackness. There was no comfort. There was no healing. There was no help to end the tears in the darkest hour of night. I begged God night after night to let me die if He was not going to help. Still the Christians kept saying, with that false piety, God loves you. Made me sick. At night when I was alone with my emotional pain, crying and pleading- He was nowhere, just a deaf ear. The depths of my depression and broken heart were so great that words fail me now. All those promises that I read about Christ being there, comforting us in time of need, what a perverse lie.

This continued on for twenty years. I would give up on God because that help never came. Then a few years later I would come back because I was so desperate for help. Still there was no answer to the tearful pleas. No comfort from God, no healing of the deep depression. Nothing.

This last year is when I decided to come out of the closet to be an atheist. Christ failed me! All my life I wanted to serve him and be a faithful servant. Even still no help came from above.

Now in my life I am still on disability and cannot work because of various health issues. I tried to tithe because that is supposed to bring blessing. It did not it only brought more hardships to me. Again, more Goddamn lies.

Funny thing, now that I am not trying to serve God I am so much happier. I believe that science is the cure for mankind’s ills-not Christ. It is funny; Christians say that if I reject Christ I am going to hell. Funny, he was never there, but it is my fault.

Now I am thinking of trying to become a writer. I want to do something to help my situation and build a life for myself. So if anyone reading this is a writer and could be my mentor, I will sure be grateful.

Does anyone think that a book dealing with my experiences ,and God's failure on his promises, be of any interest?

Thank you for this site and a place to talk to others who have gone through such things themselves.

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