3/21/07                                                                                       View Comments

I am an Agnostic Theist

Sent in by Brian M.

I just wanted to say thank you for this site. I've been a Christian since the age of 5, I'm now 31. I've been through it ALL!! I was raised in a mega-church in Dallas (Rockwall), TX called Church on the Rock with Dr. Larry Lea as pastor. I can undeniably admit that I've been around every single aspect of the Christian religion. Faith Movement, Pentecostal, Charismatic, Baptist, Calvinist, Armenian...I've been around. I've witnessed and taken part of healing services, church camps, slain in the spirits, speaking in tongues, Benny Hinn crusades, Rodney Howard Brown crusades, Billy Graham, Jessie Duplantis, Rod Parsley, Casey Treat, Marilyn Hickey, Kenneth Copeland, Joyce Meyer, TD Jakes, James Robison, John Hagee, Larry Lea, ....the list goes on and on. I've been exposed to a LOT of things in my lifetime when it comes to Christianity (speaking in tongues, slain in the spirit, casting out demons...all the way to conservative reformed Charismatic/Pentecostal).

It wasn't until recently that I started wondering some things about what I believe. I've been here before, gone back, back here, gone back...but this time, is the only time that I've actually stopped to think and look at it. What got me thinking about this was pre-adamite man. Then I started looking at science and archeology. Then started comparing time lines, and comparing other world religions...and to my surprise, I've been enlightened more in the past 3 months, than I have in all my 26 years of Christianity.

I now consider myself an Agnostic Theist. I believe that there's something out there, but I'm looking to see what it is. I do feel a little guilty about it, and wonder at times if I really will go to 'hell' for feeling this way. I know that most of this is due to what's been crammed in my head for so many years, by manipulation and brainwashing. But I just can't help but still feel that way...and that may have a part of me believing that there HAS to be something out there. It's a divorce that takes time, much like an abused spouse leaving a 26 year marriage.

I wanted to thank you for this site, and thank you for the continued enlightenment. I don't hate Christians. Quite frankly, I love them. If anything, I have grown to have a very strong sense of morals because of it. I just happen to see how damaging it is, and has been for me. As of now, Theist fits me best until my quest to find truth comes to an end. Thanks again. I hope that more people come to the point that I have to see things in glasses of reasoning, rather than rose colored brainwashed glasses.