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Archived Testimonials

8/13/06                                                                                       View Comments

The price is worth it

sent in by Cad

Jesus didn't die for my sins; I didn't give him permission.

I attended three church services a week for over 20 years, and have read the Bible at least ten times, with about a quarter of it memorized. I told myself I had experienced a relationship with Jesus, but really it was a relationship with my ego.

It all became suspect when I realized the God I worshipped was worse than Hitler. I couldn't imagine an all-powerful loving God allowing a Hell for billions of people. How many Christians can ponder torturing a total stranger for days, much less eternity?

Then I suspected God couldn't give a rat's ass as to whether he was worshipped or not. I looked around and realized that worship was really a sexual outlet for my repressed friends. If you look at people while they worship, their faces are terribly erotic, mixed with a yearning quality that borders on orgasmic.

Finally, I realized that anthropomorphising God required infinite hubris. The Christian apologist Paul Tillich once said that argue that God exists is to deny Him. Real spiritual belief, as I understand it, is counterintuitively natural--an oxymoron on par with quantum physics. Do I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross and rose again? You bet--as a metaphor only. His story is a great symbol of how the ego must be sacrificed in order for true awareness to emerge.

Now, I no longer fear Hell. I feel the glory of existence flowing through my heart, embracing everyone I see with love. Just like Huck Finn, Billy Budd, Jesus Christ, and hundreds of other literary characters, in order to get to heaven, I had to be willing to go to hell. The price is worth it.

Irving
TX
USA
Joined: 6
Left: 30
Was: Evangelical, Charismatic, Baptist, Pentecostal, Non-Denominational
Now: Buddhist
Convterted because: Fear
De-converted because: No fear
email: caddycomp at gmail dot com