Never Was a True Xian

sent in by Carol

Hi, Good People,

I have enjoyed reading through much of this site and occasionally commenting for some time now and even though I really don't have much of a testimony, I thought I should post anyhow.

I was born into the catholic church and baptised. My Dad was and is non religious, but had to become a catholic to marry Mom. He didn't really swallow it and only went to church once in a while, when Mom dragged him on holidays.

I remember being really young, 7-8 or so but maybe younger, and sitting in church feeling very much like there was absolutely nothing "there." I felt bad and sad and really tried to feel something because I didn't want to go to hell. So I played along out of fear. Also due to a slight hope that there might be a god to take care of me and help out once in a while. As I got older I gradually grew further and further away from "belief" and as soon as I got old enough, I quit going to church. I have not been totally free that entire time (27 years or so of no church, I am 45 now). I was moderatly plagued for some time by fear of hell and retribution from a possible god-gotta love the brainwashing. Finally I came to learn and realize it is all made up crap and have been totally free for quite a while now.

The catholic church itself is pretty creepy. I mean, eating the body and blood of christ, what the hell kind of gross shit is that? And confession is it's own brand of fun. Tell the priest all the bad stuff you and and get a "get out of jail free" card. Jeez. I didn't tell the good stuff like smoking pot or mastubating, didn't feel right. The priest had to get his jollies elsewhere and he did, as the pervert that was our priest while I was growing up was a MAJOR molester of alter boys. Besides what I aready mentioned, there is the other wierd stuff: statues and scary paintings all over the place, incense, candles, getting your face smeared with ashes, etc, etc. How can people buy into any of that?

About the only good thing I can say is that mass lasted only about an hour once a week and then I was free. My poor neighbors who were Southern Baptist had to spend all day Sunday in church and one or two evenings a week. I learned plenty about their religion from them and their bible quoting mother and it was pretty much the same ole shit, just different bitter flavor.

I know the fundies who invade this site will say catholics are not christians and I didn't go the the "right" church. Fuck them. NO church is the right church for me.

That is about it for my story. I find religions are all a bunch of crap. Myth and superstition. They are also harmful and unhealthy. I have seen absolutly no evidence of any kind of supreme being, creator or whatever. However, I can not say for certain there is not one. We do not know everything, at least not yet.

Regards-

Moreno Valley
CA
USA
Joined: Born into catholic church
Left: pre teen
What churches or organizations or labels have applied to you? Catholic only
What labels, if any, would you apply to yourself now? atheist lesbian
Why did you become a christian? Dragged to church by mother
Why did you de-convert? Just couldn't buy into the horse shit
email: kayborg2000 at aol dot com