ex UPCer

sent in by Dulce

It all started out when I met the man of my dreams. We dated only briefly before we were married. I knew he was raised Pentecostal, but having never been to church or raised religious, I really didn't understand the implications of it all.

For those of you that don't know, Pentecostalism is an abusive, cult-like religion. Well, I didn't know. What I did know was that me going to this church made my fiance and his entire family so happy they practically cried with joy for the first year.

But let me tell you something, after I said "I do", everything changed.

Out went the pants, only dresses was I to wear now. I had to stop cutting my hair and absolutely no more make up. After all, that's how God wants it, I was told.

So, I thought, O.K., I can do this. After all, I love my husband. Well, I tried and tried and no matter what I did, no matter how long I fasted or how long I prayed, I just didn't get their doctrine. I guess the hardest part for me was the fear they install. You will go to hell if you wear make up, wear pants, wear short sleeves, play sports, listen to secular music, hang out with the "wrong" kind of people, cut your hair, don't tithe, have bad thoughts, don't like one of your "brothers" or "sisters". The list just goes on and on.

I started becoming bitter and hateful. I was always grumpy and in a bad mood. I thought something must be wrong with me. I started taking St. Johns Wort and anything that claimed it helped with moods. Needless to say, it didn't work. I was tired all the time. All I wanted to do was sleep. I went to my doctor and told her I was too tired all the time. She asked me if I was depressed. I laughed at her!! I said no way! I really didn't think I was. My mood just got worse and worse. Mad and angry. Those were my only two emotions I had left.

Finally at the end of 2004, something happened. If you know anything about Pentecost, you know that people just eat each other alive in there. There is no such thing as love in these churches. I had pretty much been saved from all the inside hatred going on, but in December of 2004, I was blown out the front doors of my church with pure hatred. It was mind boggling. I didn't know where it was coming from or why. But it just was.

Luckily, that's just what I needed to wake up and GET OUT!! I left the church four months ago. Two or three people still talk to me if they see me, but the rest pretend they don't know who I am. And that's O.K. I also just left my husband. I cannot be married to a man who deep down believes I am Satan's little puppet. He believes I am going to hell. I know this all sounds boo hoo, but that's just it!

For the first time in years I feel great!! I never knew the freedom I had/have. I had to go through this horrible thing called Pentecostalism to understand how wonderful life really is! Life is sweet and beautiful! God is NOT mean and hateful. Fear does not need to keep you down!

I was never this happy. Not even before Pentecostalism. It's kind of funny that I have that horrible belief system to thank for my happiness!!!!

California
USA
Joined: 27
Left: 33
Was: Pentecostal
Now: Free Free Free!
Converted because: I married into it
De-converted because: They are all nuts
email: cbaglin5 at aol dot com