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5/28/05                                                                                       View Comments

Just Wanted God to Answer My Prayers

sent in by anonymous

Well I started out in the religion realm as a Muslim, born to muslim parents.

At the time that I can remember first becoming a Christian I was in a foster home, and the family was Methodist. My brother and I were the center of a really nasty custudy battle between my mother and her ex. Some genius judge decided to sentence me to foster prison, I mean care. I had a hard time dealing with being away from my parents so my mother tried to help me deal with it all by teaching me to pray. Religion in our house had been open and never pressured onto us, I was the kid who begged to go to Mosque to hear stories about God, Heaven, Angels and Miracles. Of course she being Muslim, taught me to pray in Arabic. When we talked about God we used the Arabic word for God, Allah. My foster parents went nuts the first time they heard me say Allah. So instead of being left at a neighbors when they went to church, I was taken along to enjoy the Christian "Truth".

I still kept saying my prayers in Arabic to Allah, even after months of sitting in the church 3 days a week hearing about this Jesus man. I knew from Islam that Jesus was a very important person to God but he was not God and not God's son, he was Joseph and Mary's son, the anointed one who could do all kinds of great things. So one night after checking off another day past the big day i was supposed to go home, my foster mother tells me maybe the reason God hasnt answered my prayers about going home is because Im not praying to the right person. I remember her showing me how to get on my knees next to the bed and giving my soul to Jesus. Then she told me to never pray to Allah again and only to Jesus. I remember the next weekend telling my dad the big news and he wasnt to happy.

My soul is saved now and Im now praying to Jesus, begging to go home to my mommy and daddy but time goes on. So then there is the you have to be baptized for Jesus to really answer your prayers, so i agree to that too. Anything to get out of that place. While all this saving my soul is going on, an older foster kid has been sexually abusing and exploiting me and the other children in the home. So now im trying to save my soul from hell, keep the molestor away from me and just get back home to my mom through my prayers to Jesus.

My parents had started to teach me to read at 3, so I could read some of the children's bible stories they gave to the older kids in my group. But then there was a lot of confusion on who Jesus was exactly after reading the stories. My first issue with Christianity was the trinity. I wanted to know how could Jesus be the son of God and God? Why did he call God his Father if he was God? And why did we pray to Jesus and not Jesus father like he did? I was only 5 and knew something wasnt right with this religion but i was scared of hell so i didnt question it too much because adults would tell me i was going there if I didnt believe Jesus is God. At least in Islam I had been given some hope as a child of escaping hell cause God would never punish kids with hell but Jesus sure would if I did anything wrong or questioned the bible.

Then comes my first communion, the blood and flesh battle. In Islam we were taught never to eat or drink blood. I didnt understand that the lords supper wasnt real blood, they didnt say we are going to offer up the grape juice and bread, the pastor said blood and flesh. I remember my foster mother dragging me up to the front of the church kicking and screaming that i didnt want to drink blood, guess i had a demon or something lol. Then the pastor helps her hold me down on the floor and pours the grape juice in my mouth and when i tasted it i stopped fighting lol. I still feel shame for acting stupid about it but i was a kid.

By the time this event happened the pastor and I had already debated several times. I refused to eat hot dogs and ribs at a church picnic because I knew not to eat pork and he told me that Jesus made it ok to eat those things. I knew that Jewish people didnt eat pork, so why would Jesus make it ok if he was Jewish, Pastor didnt like me after that. After a nice spanking for disrespecting the pastor I ate a hot dog.

So until a few months ago I have been a good, confused Christian, and church goer off and on. I have never been a completely brainwashed Christian. The final straw was my studying with the Jehovah's Witnesses. I picked them because they dont believe in the Trinity doctrine, but I didnt believe in a lot of the other things they taught. So i decided to read the bible on my own and find the truth.

When I got to the killing of everyone except virgin girls in Numbers, I was offically done with the bible and Christianity. Up to that point there had been other little things that stood out but that was it for me. How could I pray to and believe in a God that would be ok with the actions like that. And why hadnt in all the years of church going i had never once read about it in church. But I kept reading just to see if God punished them for those horrible actions and if God ever made the violence stop. Well not only did the violence get worse, I was seeing no love anywhere in the O.T. Once you open your eyes, its hard to close them again and play follow the bible.

So now im on a search for a God of love, kindness and peace. Taoism is looking really sweet these days.


Your Sex: Female
State: New York
How old were you when you became a christian? 4
How old were you when you ceased being a christian? 24
What churches or organizations or labels have applied to you? Muslim, Methodist, Non-Denominational, Jehovah's Witness
What labels, if any, would you apply to yourself now? Spiritual
Why did you become a christian? Wanted God to Answer my prayers
Why did you de-convert? Numbers 31:17
Email: nlap_16 at yahoo dot com