Trying to avoid despair

sent in by Mary

I'm not sure where to begin, or where to end...but here goes.

I have been a church-goer for most of my life, and I guess I always just believed in Jesus. I was raised mostly as a Presbyterian (not too hard to take), but as a young, married, adult I became involved in a non-denominational (mostly Baptist) church where first I was made to feel bad because I was married to a "non-christian", and then well...I just didn't measure up to all those holy people.

Something about my "umbrella "having a big hole in it because my husband was not christian, but I was ok because I was in the church and I guess the preacher kept me protected. Anyway I did the whole, read the bible, go to bible study, take my kids to sunday school, indoctrinate them that they were sinners and going to hell if they didn't accept Jesus.

After my husband decided he didn't want to be married anymore (I think my religiosity had something to do with this), I moved back to my hometown and raised my kids, worked, attended the presbyterian church again, but...since I was divorced I still didn't really fit in to the whole family oriented church thing, so eventually I quit going to church except for once or twice a year.

I have many christian friends, and they all love me...but this past winter I was doing some searching on the web and came across "pagan origins of christianity" and well...my whole world sorta collapsed...it was just before Christmas and I am reading about how much our Christian practices are more from the "mystery religions" than anything new or special because of Christ.

It's all is confusing, but yet it makes sense. I've been reading alot on your site, and right now I'm still trying to figure out what I really think, but I don't believe in a literal bible, or literal hell, or literal much of anything that has to do with god. This doesn't really make much sense...but there it is.

Your State WA
Your Country USA
How old were you when you became a christian? raised in church
How old were you when you ceased being a christian? 54
What churches or organizations or labels have applied to you? Presbyterian, non-denominational, charismatic
What labels, if any, would you apply to yourself now? Agnostic/skeptic
Why did you become a christian? Thought I needed saved
Why did you de-convert? Discovered it might be all a lie
email: mmarr at bmi dot net