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7/23/04                                                                                       View Comments

Religion ruined my child hood, it almost set me back in life

sent in by Eric

How religion ruined my childhood and what I did about it

I stated out living on the north end of town in Huntsville Al. This was not the good end to say the least. I went to a mostly black public school. I was the only white kid in class and did not learn much there. It was a very bad environment or you would think. I guess my parents got sick of me getting beat up and not learning anything. My parents decided to enroll me into a private Baptists school when I was in the 2nd grade. That was the worst thing that they did for my.

This school was also a big Baptist church. It was called heritage babtist church. It was somewhat of a compound. I started the there in the 2nd grade and left sometime in the middle of the 4th grade. I went to daycare there and would be in there before and after school. I stayed there all through out the summers attending vacation bible school. The whole time I was there it was like a bible boot camp. It was like going to church everyday.

All during 2nd and 4th grade we learned mostly about the bible, being a Christian, and having faith. I remember that half our class time would be in bible studies. I don’t remember them spending that much time on anything else but maybe reading.
We did not really learn much about other subjects.

They constantly preached to us about faith in jesus. They ruled with a iron fist and they frowned upon us when we acted like children. I was basically told that god had a design for me. I was told to believe in god first and I should give all my faith to him. Not to question his intent. I was told that going through life blindly was a blessing, It was ok because you had faith. God would provide you with everything that you needed so you would not have to apply your self. I would be taken care of in the after life depending on my faith. I was told all about Fire and brimstone afterward to reinforce my brain washing. I was saved and all that stuff.

I remember one of the daycare supervisors who’s name was Bill. He was weird. He did not seem right. I remember Bill dropping a coin and saying that money was dirty and he stuck it in other kids mouths and he did the same to me. He would be laughing. He told me that people put money up their but. I got real mad and turned my head and every time I saw him remembered the incident. I had a suspicion that he was taking some kids down to the locker room and having under ware parties. That is what the other kids said and they were told not to tell because it was a secret club. I remember him inviting me down and I was not sure of what was going on. I did not go because Mom always picked me up earlier then the other kids. He would have the secret club meetings after all the other adults had left.

I had a speech impediment and words did not come out sounding correctly. Bill always accused me of saying a cuss words. One time while playing kick ball we were are all yelling as kids do. He grabbed me and took me to the minister and told the minister that I said a cuss word and I did not know what I said. Well I got a paddling for it. I tried to explain my situation to him but he would not listen. He replied something about god and spanked me anyway. I thought that maybe he was right. Mom soon came to pick me up. I never could understand why Bill did this since he was much older.

At the same time during the Christmas I found out on my own that Santa Claus did not exist. I found toys in a closet that I was not supposed to look into. I did not make much of a deal of it. I did not tell my parents I knew either. I just went with the flow. They told us that the true reason for Christmas is the birth of Christ. I did not question it.

While I was in the middle of the 4th grade, my parents got another house and we moved to the south end of Huntsville where the crime rate was lower. I guess my dad got tired of our house being broken into and our car stolen. My Mom would still insist that we drive to our old church and have our meeting and do our bible stories. So she could have her friends and be part of the soap opera. I also remember being in cub scouts and we had meetings there. They were really the fundamentalist scouts.

I was enrolled into a public school in the middle of the school year. I did not know any one there and did not make any friends. I had no sense of what was going on. I was like a fish out of water. I was glad to be out of there because it was not fun.

The disadvantage of going to the private school was I did not develop any street sense or good social skills. The reason was that they ruled with an iron fist. I was like a dork and did not know how to communicate effectively with the other kids. I did not have what you would call charm or charisma either. I never grew up mentally along with other kids in my age group. It was like being thrown to the wolves.

I did not know how to react to bullies so I stuck my head in the sand like an ostrich. I actualy thought Jesus would help me. I did not know how to handle it. I was passive, I let them victimize me and I did not speak up for my self. I thought that they would stop because I was a good christain and had faith. I thought everything would be ok. They never told us about this at my old school.

The teachers there were overburdened. They were to busy because the classes were crowded. Whenever the teachers were not looking the bullies would pick on me. The bullies tormenting never stopped. They would thump my in the ear. They would spit on me and on my launch. They slashed my bike tires. They busted me in the head with a rock. They would slap me in the face. They knocked my papers out of my hand and every one would walk on them. When I tried to fight back a whole wolf pack would form and I would get beat up. When I did get in a fight, all the kids picking on me told the teacher that I started it and I would get sent to the principles offices. I would try to explain my situation but he did not listen and I would get a paddling. I prayed all the time and nothing was answered.

Another disadvantage of going to the private school was I did not learn what I was supposed to have leaned. I had spent most of the time learning about the bible and jesus. I did not know crap. I was like two years behind every one else. I did not know how to do the work or study. I did not learn much about english, math, science or history.

Hey; but I could recite anything you could think from the bible.

Being tormented by the bullies made me shy and I was afraid of making it worse so I did not ask for help. I could not concentrate because of the bullies constantly picked on me. I lost interest in school. I did not want to be there. I would get sick every morning just thinking about the torment.

Worst part was I was I failed and was put in special education. the next year. I was put in a class with a bunch of children that had severe learning disabilities. Some were mentally retarded. I was really tormented by the bullies about that.

Bad thing about special education classes is that the teachers do not even attempt to teach you what the other classes or learning. They concentrate on the slowest kid of the class and what he is able to do. I had to learn at their speed and ability. I did not learn anything that the other kids and regular classes were learning. The whole time I never learned that I needed to apply my self or even encouraged to.

I did not want to apply my self to get out of the special education classes. It was easy and I rarely had any homework. I guess I felt like I was genius compared to the kids in the class. The classes were small and no one tormented or picked on me. Every one there was friendly. I did not want to go to the regular classes because I was afraid that the other kids would get in their cowardly wolf packs and gang up on me. I became bitter towards them and held onto that for a long time.

My Dad had seen what was going on and we stopped going to church but my mom told me to read the bible anyway and pray. She was Southern Baptist and my Dad had no religious affiliation. He just went along with it to make her happy.

The damage was done. I drifted through my child hood not wanting to do anything or joined any clubs. I never socialized with any one. I kept to my self and read my bible and prayed. I made sure that I went out of my way to avoid other people. I kept my faith and still believed.

High school was no better. I stayed in special ed until the end of high school. I did not want to socialize with other kids because what had happened in elementary and middle school. The counselor told me that I would be happy having a job working with my hands. I signed up for Tech School. They taught different trades like machine shop, air conditioning, and auto mechanics. I took electrical technology and did very well. I got a job during the summer wiring up houses and digging wire trenches.

I graduated and got a full time job doing electrical construction. I spent five years going to different projects and working with different contractors wiring houses. I got tired of busting my ass just to get laid off at the end of a project. I had realized that I had no future.
I got tired of being white trash.
I decided that I wanted to go to collage and that I could handle one class at a time. I could not qualify for any financial aid because I made one hundred dollars too much. I was mad at the world as you can get. But I still prayed.

I decided to join the army so I could get some money for collage. I went to basic training at FT Jackson and I did ok, I was not the best or worst. I could hold my own. I completed it and felt great. It went by so fast that somtiems I forgot to pray. I got through it an I felt I could accomplish anything.

I got to AIT and was going to school at FT Gordon GA. I did not struggle in the class like I thought I would but could not type worth a flip. I got to meet a lot of people that had many different beliefs. Some had none at all. I made a lot of friends from many cultural backgrounds.

I had a friend who was going to special forces and we talked about our faith. He invited me to go to a church he was attending. We went and we sat down and talked. When they started the service they stated talking in toungs. That freaked me out because babtist i knew did not do that. That made me think a little and decided, well to each his own.

One of the requirements of staying in the army was passing a PT test. That’s doing pushups, setups, and running two miles under your required time. I was able to do everything else except for the run. I would get shin splits and had to slow down. I kept failing it, and they threatened to release me unless I could make the time for the run. I prayed to god and went to the post church.

I was sent by the drill sergeant to the Captains office for counseling. She told me that if I could not make the run then I would be released and would loose my collage bill. She said that these consequences have an effect on your future. I was thinking I better pray really hard. I got to get this GI bill. She signed some papers and then told me the best thing I have ever heard.

“I don’t know what you believe in but I will say this”
“You have the strength with in you. You have to dig deep down inside and find it. You can do it if you put your mind to it”. Commander at the 447 Signal Battalion, Fort Gordon Georgia spring of 1994.

I thought about that for a second. It finally clicked. It made sense. I had a moment of free-thought. No one ever said that. I never thought of it.

I got to the bunk and bed down for the night and thought about it some more. I thought about my life and what I went through in my child hood. I thought of the people I met and what they did or did not believe.

I decided tomorrow that I would not pray.
I will do it my self. What is the worst that can happen.

The next morning after passing the other events, I headed towards the track. I headed towards my destiny. I did not pray like I did and the past.
I thought to my self that I will do it, I can, I must, I have to get the collage money.

We got on the track and got warmed up. We got in our places. The drill sergeant asked, are you ready?
Go!!!!!!!
I took off calmly and thought that I will do it. As I ran, I felt no anxiety. I did not think of it and I stayed focused and then my mind drifted. I made my self do it. I was one of the first to finish the race. I made it.

Why I am an atheist? Well I could go on but you may loose interest. I’ll get the points out.

1. I got some good inspiration.
2. I achieved something on my own with out believing or prying to a god.
3. I was able to meet other people who had different ways of thinking and different beliefs and none.
4. I went to collage and was able to learn. I had to apply my self to graduate.
5. I was able to use Free-thought and Logic to better understand the world around me
6. Religious tyranny has many forms. The same type of Baptist that ran that brainwashing school voted down Alabama’s education lottery. I see why.
7. I had worked for some religious nuts and saw they were messed up. There business went under
8. I analyzed why I did so poorly in school and socially. Part of it was me. The bigger reason was I got a crapy start.
9. I applied my self and I was able to succeed when others said I could not.
10. I have free thought and I realize that I can take any path that will determine my destiny. Faith is stupid and you should believe in your self first

What I think about it all?

What I think here upsets a lot of people so I don’t tell them. Especially living in the bible belt. I’ll be kind and say it’s an opinion. You may have already guessed at what I’m trying to say since your here.

Once I started to take my journey into doubt, I stated to realize that things were not at what they seemed. What I was thinking was very scary and would be to any one. I thought that I would go to hell for my heretical doubts. It was like a veil was starting to peal and that there was light coming through. I was waking up from a deep sleep into reality.

The more I thought of it, the more knowledge I sought. I became more self-aware.
I started to question its legitimacy. I compared it to other religions and ideologies. They both claim to be the true religion and the other is false. I was thinking that this is a bunch of lies.
What I said made a lot of people uneasy and some people made a big deal out of it. A couple of people got mad. Some people tried to convince me that I was wrong and that I should not think like that because I would go to hell. “WHOOOO SCARY”.
I started to see it for what it really is.
It is a tool to motivate mass population to do the bidding of others in what they think is good against evil. There are many flavors in which can be measured by extremity It is a big fat scam, a lie to control and enslave people.
So in my quest to understand it, I became a free thinker.

Since I became a free thinker I feel that I am truly free and empowered.
I can do anything if I put my mind to it. I do have free will. I am in control of my own destiny and I can change my path if I want. I know the out come depends on my own personal strength. I know that I should be self-reliant and not to depend on others for what I can do for my self. I am free to go and do as I please with respect to the law and on my own morals. The buck stops here and I am responsible for my actions. I have developed a foresight and enabled my self to see things for what they really are. I can think in different ways to solve problems more easily. I respect and take in consideration of things that are more powerful then me. I do not assume. I make educated decisions. I know I have to adapt and be able to deal with things that come my way. I’m not afraid of the unknown. I am not afraid of dying and the end of my existence. I don’t worry about death. I understand that is the cycle of life and everything is part it.

The secret of life: is to propagate. Be responsible. Evolve and adapt to change.
Self-awareness, free thought, and free-will. Learn and improve. Dream of things and have ideals. Make goals and achieve them. Be happy and have fun. Love, be social, and have friends.

There is no great super natural being that created us. There are no gods.
There is only what we do and do not understand.

The greatest problem in the world is not hunger, poverty, war, or disillusionment.
It’s what causes it. Think about this.
The problems are bad ideologies. Corrupt groups that grab power for their own gain. They warp and bend sets of doctrines or beliefs that form the basis of political, economic, or other system. They take sets of ideals and manipulate them to their own liking. They then enforce these ideals and convince the people that it does reflect their social needs and that it reflects the aspirations of individuals, groups, classes, or cultures.
The problem is religion and beliefs in mythology and in supernatural powers. Organized systems grounded in unfounded belief and worship.
These groups resemble organized crime syndicates where power is everything. It does not necessarily empower people to do better. It takes away what they could achieve on their own.

All the inquisitions, dark ages, and terrorism is strongly linked to ideology gone wrong. The people who do this believe strongly in it and that they are in the right.
Some think that they are doing it for the common good no matter how many die in the process.
There have been so many corrupted and perverted people that had betrayed many peoples trust in religion and in other political systems. They do it mainly because they can get away with it and they hide behind these systems. They believe when they die that they will be glorified or go into heaven.

Religion and gods was developed by primitive people to help them understand the world around them. They thought that natural events were caused by supernatural beings. They had no understanding of logic and in science. They developed religion to enforce their beliefs in gods. They told a bunch of stories and gossip to enforce and teach the validity of their particular religion. These stores were handed down to one generation to another.
When stories are passed down there their meanings changes and degrades into something totally different over time. When stories are passed down other people develop their own interpretation of what they mean.
Tyrants who rose to power also had their own interpretation of the current religion and twisted it to suit their needs. They exploited it and used it to their advantage.

You can see that religious tyranny is still alive today. It is still running the world and is here to stay for the near future. Some forms may be less extreme then the other but its still tyranny.
In the Middle East there are the Mullahs and Islam. It’s spreading fast like an infectious disease and along with their terrorism.
In the Vatican you have the office of Christianity and the perverted Catholic pedophiles.
In the US you have the stupid no logic Evangelicals and the white trash redneck Southern Baptist.
These psychopaths are running the asylum and are very much in charge of it.

In America and through out the world, there are many types of cultures and people that have their own beliefs. They think that their beliefs are facts. Each culture and group has there on set of mythologies and beliefs in which they think is superior to the other groups. They think that theirs is the truth and the other is false. Science and logic proves that they are false.

Since we live in America, every one is entitled to their own beliefs. That’s ok to me, as long no one goes around trying to force them on any one. But they do.

I can guarantee you that you will come across many people who don’t have free thought and awareness. Some may have a lot of education but no common sense. Some people or more blind to the world around them then others. There are people who think they know everything but in fact know very little. They go through life with blind faith, “don’t ask no questions”. It’s like driving a car with your eyes closed. Yea you can do it but you will have a wreak.
They were led to believe in that some mythical dogma will guide them through life, so they stick their head in the sand and ignore all logic and reason. This is as effective as in worshiping a brick.
They are so blind that they never consider other points of view. They are so consumed that they miss out on other great things in life.

These people get this way be being brainwashed at a younger age. They have no defense against it and are very impressionable. Some people start off slowly into it but because they are so gullible get swept away with it.

You may meet some people like this and you need to be wary of their intentions.
They will fool you into thinking that they want to be your friend and they will go out of their way to be nice to you. You will meet them on the street, at school or at work; they may be a stranger, a friend or family member. It doesn’t matter. They will use friendship as a weapon.

Their motive is to convert you and to convince you that their way is the right way.
They want you to listen to what they have to say and they want to invite you to their church. “cult”. They are always in search of new minds to take over so that they can grow bigger and wealthier. They are like cancer.

They preach to you to make you feel guilty and say that the lord died for you and cares for us and will send you to hell if you don’t believe. “Is that caring?”
They will tell you that it’s so wonderful and that it changed their life.
They want you to blindly swallowing it as the absolute and unassailable truth.
That’s where “faith” comes in. That’s there favorite word. They don’t want you to question it at all, period. They use Faith and Coercion to control.
They will pull out their books and little pamphlets to get you to read their nonsense.

It’s important for your own well-being that you do not believe in such non-sense.
It’s like believing in fairy tells that you know is made up to entertain children.
Think of the ginger bread man, elves, fairies, and peter pan. Ancient civilizations like Egypt and Greece had their mythical dogmas but they did not last. There is Buddha and Allah. There is even the dead guy on a stick.

It is a cancer that robs you of what you are and your full potential. It replaces your own mentality for a sheep heard mentality. It takes what you make and empties your bank accounts. It guilt’s you in to a slavery where you give up the time that you could have used for your own. It is what it is, an organized cult.

Belief in mythology leads to the psychological slavery and destruction of society. It impedes the development of self-awareness, thought, and in technology. “ they did not call it the dark ages for nothing” The world was not created in seven days. It takes eons, millions of years for things to evolve into what they are. The earth is not three thousand years old. The proof is in the fossil record.

There is no great supernatural being that created us. Religion is a crutch for people who can’t think for them selves.

The secret of life: is to propagate. Be responsible. Evolve and adapt to change.
Self-awareness, free thought, and free-will. Learn and improve. Dream of things and have ideals. Make goals and achieve them. Be happy and have fun. Love, be social, and have friends.


Sex: male
URL: Your Homepage URL
City: Huntsville
State: AL
Country: US
Became a Christian: I stoped being a christian when A.L. voted down and lost the education lottery
Ceased being a Christian: 26
Labels before: Babtist
Labels now: Free thinking Atheist
Why I joined: I was put in to it when I was young
Why I left: Good inspiration
Email Address: giantspambox at yahoo dot com