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7/17/04                                                                                       View Comments

My personal Exodus

sent in by anonymous

I've devoured the information and the de-conversion stories on this website.

I was born and raised an Evangelical Presbyterian. I was taught that the Bible was the inerrant rule and faith for our belief (that's how my last Presbyterian pastor began every sermon). I remember one morning in Sunday school when I was a little girl that our elderly Sunday School teacher, after relating the story of Adam and Eve, looked around at all of us and said "You girls need to be ashamed of what Eve did."

I really did feel ashamed too!

Later as a teen we moved from Texas to Missouri and my Mom felt my sister and I needed to attend a wealthier Presbyterian church in order to meet young men with more money so that we would marry and live happily ever after as rich, Presbyterian house wives. So we drove 40 minutes each way each Sunday morning for church and 40 minutes each way Sunday evening for Youth Group. (By the way, it didn't work we didn't marry rich guys).

Now in high school for awhile I really loathed church, I didn't understand just why I was supposed to worship Jesus but was so brainwashed I figured I was "bad" for not believing. I went to a Church of Christ college and promptly learned that I wasn't saved because I hadn't been immersed but sprinkled as a baby in the Presbyterian church which of course, doesn't count!

I won't go into the brainwashing I received there but I really made my Presbyterian Mom mad when I told her that immersion was necessary for salvation. After college I did go through a wild period as I had not met the perfect Christian man to marry and I was tired of being a goody two shoes, however I always felt that underlying guilt for not behaving in the ascribed Christian manner. I married and hoped that would make me feel good about myself again as I was at least married like a "good" woman should be.

After having my first child I noticed that I still didn't like myself and still felt bad so I redicated myself to the Lord through 700 club, then as I had married a Catholic I started looking seriously at the Catholic faith. I had always viewed it as the "Whore of Babylon" up until that time although I had always had many Catholic friends. Thanks to Scott Hahn, a Presbyterian minister who became Catholic, I decided that becoming Catholic would be the answer to all my problems with faith.

I became a conservative Catholic for about 12 years. Here is what happened. It's simple. God never answered my prayers, ever. I figured for awhile it was because I was such a huge disappointment to him. My main unanswered prayer was on forgiving those who had hurt me in some way, now that should be a no-brainer for a loving God right? I made myself sick trying to forgive and love people who are just assholes. So I finally figured well if God doesn't answer my prayers maybe, just maybe, he doesn't exist! What a revelation!

I began a search on the internet for sites to disprove the Bible and that was the beginning of my personal Exodus. Now through my freedom from religious mind control I realize that cruel people are assholes and forgiveness is optional. Believe it or not this has been a huge relief for me, not to feel forced to not only forgive someone who is cruel but to feel obligated to love them too!

Screw that. I feel free for the first time in my life to view people with my own eyes and not with the mind set of "how would Jesus view this person or situation" I've stuffed so much hurt and anger over the years I don't even know how to get angry in a healthy way thanks to my years and years of brainwashing.



Sex: female
City: Council Bluffs
State: IA
Country: USA
Became a Christian: from birth, committed myself to the Lord a few times
Ceased being a Christian: 49
Labels before: Presbyterian, Church of Christ, Episcopal , lastly Catholic
Labels now: Searcher
Why I joined: Felt lost, wanted to feel complete
Why I left: Unanswered prayer led me to wondering if there was even a God to hear