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2/24/04                                                                                       View Comments

Jesus was not enough?!?

sent in by Maddie

My deconversion came about quite accidentally. I was happily conducting my life in blind faith, and was made quite ecstatic by the idea of gouging the proverbial eyes out of intellectually functional non-believers.

I am the youngest of six kids born to missionary parents. Their only hope for all of us was that we would take up the torch of truth and become missionaries for the Lord in some exotic and distant land - Even more enticing was the idea of being martyred by spear-toting tribal people we may one day be translating the Bible for. Physical death was secondary, these heathens would thank us in heaven one day and we would receive our jeweled crowns.

Like so many young aspiring Christians I went on a summer mission trip to India. I came home to report sordid stories of heathen practices and beliefs. I was going to be a great missionary! I could quite safely call myself a fundamentalist Christian (It's true, you have to be mental to think it's any fun). Then one day I met a young man who convinced me that it was God's will that we get married - of course like many young Christians I was impressed by his ability to 'know' God's will for me and married him (Love wasn't in the equation). After about four years I realized he was not the impressive ambassador of God's will I thought, and decided to look into the Biblical idea of marriage. Would I going to go to Hell if I left him? Well, believe it or not, I found that modern Christian principals surrounding marriage and divorce are Biblically sketchy at best and totally unfounded at worst.

This is where I started second guessing not only the validity but the logical basis on which the 'inerrant Christian beliefs' were founded. I became so fed up by all of the questions starting to form in my mind. Up to that point I had always relied on cliche and pat-answers (who the hell is pat anyway?) to still my logical thought process - But this time these questions actually concerned ME.. For once I wasn't blagging them off to some other poor searching soul.

The final straw came when I decided that if I was going to believe in Christianity's God, I would take Jesus' words and example alone and live by that. To my utter shock - this was not good enough. I could not live by Christ's words alone, I could not follow Christ's example alone - oh good lord no! Paul could not be evicted from my personal house of faith. If I got rid of Paul it was as good as getting rid of Christ!!! Shock and horror!!! There was not one Christian I spoke to who would agree that I could live by the words or example of Christ alone. Well this as I said finished everything off for me.

The founder of the Christian religion/faith was no longer enough for it's adherents thereby stamping a seal which read 'BOLLOCKS', in big red letters, onto the end of that chapter in my life, enclosing within it a lifestyle and community I had once treasured. Now I find it difficult not to despise the very mention of religion and God as I find them completely outdated and inane (very close to insane).


Sex: F
City: Manchester
Country: England
Became a Christian: 4-5
Ceased being a Christian: 22
Labels before: Non-denominational and Evangelical
Labels now: Agnostic
Why I joined: Because my parents told me it was true
Why I left: Confusion and hypocrisy